I took sum tests last night online and they all say that I'm severely depressed. I have no one 2 talk 2 my mom doesnt understand me my friends try but end up making it harder I don't want 2 make it harder on them by talking 2 them about it. I've already planned my death.. written my suicide note. I don't really want 2 but I feel it's the only way. I dream everynight abotu how great heaven will be. (When I can sleep) There is nothing good in my life either. (Giving me a reason 2 live) im fat and ugly my grades r going way way down so ill just say goodbyew 2 colledge my closest brother is in the army now and he hasnt even graduated yet (hes a senior) I cry myself 2 sleep everynight... There's this little voice inside my head that keeps replaying everythign wrong in my life telling me that theres no point 2 live. I stabbed myself 10 months ago but the knife was 2 dull... and i almost lit my hair on fire but my mom came home and i didnt want her2 c me die... (or worse rescue me and have my hair burnt off) she's replaced my brothers (who moved in with my dad) with a mmentally retarted woman who drives me crazy I would feel so guilty if I moved in with my father because ive seen my mother cry over my other brothers. I still have no reason 2 live. I dont mean that much 2 anybody... im never the best at anything... and I have no purpose in life... death and depression seem 2 b the only thing i can concentrate on and i just cant wait 2 c my father in heaven.... but yet a part of me that isnt consumed by darkness is stopping me... i know suicide is bad and I fear that if I can't find someone who can help me soon pretty soon that one part of me that isn't consumed by the darkness and isntlistening 2 the little voice will sisapear 2... sum1 please help me!
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