im miserable. Im a freshman and i have an amazing friend. i tell her everything there is to know, but for about a year now..ive been keeping a BIG secret from her. she doesnt know how sad or mad or alone i feel all the time. in fact no one does. Last year both my grandmas, my grandpa, my cousin, my dog, and my cat all died. I cried but i thought i was okay. im not really sure if thats why im so miserable. I play soccer 6 days a week and when im playing, i feel fine. Also when i run. I tend to run a lot cause it clears my mind so i cant feel so bad. Latly it has been getting worse and ive started to drink. Not anything major but i still do it. My friend knows i drink and shes beginning to get worried. i honestly dont know if i truly am depressed but it sure seems like it. i just dont know what to do. If i told my parents i know theyd be dissapointed. My older brother and younger sister are angles. They never do anything wrong. If i told my parents that i hate my life and sometimes think about killing myself they wouldnt be to happy for me. I know people will say oh they cnt be dissapointed in you if somethings wrong. but no one really knows my parents. anything not normal or not to their liking is a dissapointment. pretty much my life. i dont get along with anyone in my family. i suck at school. the only things i have going for me is soccer and my friend. i really dont know what to do. i want to get help but without my parents. i want to do it on my own....
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