Please, I know everyone says this and it's typical and all emo and everything, but I really don't want to live anymore. I don't want to fall asleep because I know another day of dragging my numb and hollow body around will be physically and emotionally draining, and I don't want to go to wake up when I do fall asleep. I can't take all this pressure anymore... my mom hates me for numerous reasons, I can't be who I want to be without getting teased and abused, I don't want to be in a cruel world like this one. My mom yells at me every day, telling me I'm not good enough, she's better than me, I'm a threat to her and the family, they'd be better off if I was gone, I should have been put up for adoption when she ahd the chance. She pushed me down the stairs. I love her so much, but sometimes I want to scream at her. She says I have a mental disability, and the whole family doesn't need me. She told me that if I don't get better than an 82% average on my exams, then I can't live in her house anymore. I don't want to live on the streets. Especially not in winter. My depression is acting up and I just want out of everything. I told someone I cut myself, and they called me emo. I told another girl, and she can't look at me properly. My sister told me that she was telling our parents, because she didn't like how it looked. I can't tell anyone that I'm bi, because my mother is homophobic and would kick me out. She doesn't even believe I have depression, just like she's ingoring my eating disorder. IT's not going away, and I just need more help! I can't even cry anymore, even though I want to. I can't yell or scream anymore. I feel that I should die, but I don't want to fail, because my mother would say that I was such a bad person for worrying her and stressing her, and how could i do this to her. I'm afraid of being alive. I just want to be six feet under the ground, and not have to breathe anymore.
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