I know I probably sound crazy, but I don't care. I always find myself thinking about suicide when I feel like I'm losing control or when people are leaving or drifting away from me and I feel that they don't care anymore. I mostly think about what those people would do if I died, or if I tried to kill myself and ended up in the hospital because I failed, I wonder who would show up and actually care about me and see what I'm going through. I think and I think and I wish and pray that someone would hear my silent screams. I hate how often I think about this. It's all the time. I also sometimes wish I would get into a car crash when I'm driving. I'm such a terrible person for wishing things like that, but does anyone else feel like this ever??
Posts You May Be Interested In
A friend sent this to me..As far as I can see, grief will never truly end.It may become softer overtime, more gentleand some days will feel sharp.But grief will last as long as Love does - ForeverIt's simply the way the absence of your loved onemanifests in your heart. A deep longing accompaniedby the deepest Love some days. The heavy fog mayreturn and the next day, it may recede.Once again, it's...
I have my maxed amount of epidural shots of my cervical DDD....(and no one cares about my lumbar DDD)..... I've done physical therapy, muscle relaxers, Amitriptyline, Nortryptiline, desipramine.....narcotics... So I decided to go to a spine specialist and they have me on Gabapentin. Its been two weeks and it did nothing for my lumbar ever... but it did seem to help my cervical and arm/hand pain...