now i've got ur attention lol. i seriously want to of myself. i just cant stand it anymore. there's no meaning behind anything we do. life is cold, nasty, brutish and short. i feel so alone all the time. it's not that i've got nobody around me, i have. they'r great people and im lucky 2 have them but they just don't understand me. they cant make it better no matter how hard they try. i'll only end up ruining their lives if i stay alive. i turn eighteen next month which shud be a cause for celebration. but 4 me i'd do anything to avoid it. for most people it symbolises independence and the excitement of moving on to a new life but i just feel as though my countless failures are being rubbed in my face. i know im young but i honestly can't envision any future happiness. alot of people can escape bad situations and improve their lives but my problem is self loathing which will never, ever go away
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