ok so i made a mistake and one night changed everything. i am miserable and can not go on living with myself. i have lost the one person that has helped me through the years and my close friends who have helped me before can not be with me because we are all at different colleges. i have been in my dorm for about four days now and just started eating normally yesterday. i dont want to leave me room or go back to this school. i cant stand it. i want to die but i dont know how to do it without pain...i was thinking pain killers. anyways i know it will clear in time but i already went through a rough year. yes i know i can make it just like i pulled through last time but i dont want to have to deal with this pain and pain in the future. i know there will be good times but time can not go fast enough to make me stop feeling miserable. i am totally lost. i know suicide is for weak people and selfish and i know i would crush my dad if i did it, but i think its the only way out. i dont want to go to this school and i cant get out of this unless i tell him what happened and i have only told 3 people. ...i am so ashamed and guilty. i cant go on like this....please help me
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