err i'm 16 and i've been really unhappy lately. When i was about 12 i was depressed to the point where i could not enjoy anything and i had a constant feel of guilt, and couldn't enjoy anything. It was on and off for a year, and now I'm generally happy and healthy, with the occasional panic attack caused form anxiety. It seems like the past few months I haven't really been up to my normal self. Not that I'm depressed or anything, or at least not like I was before. It's like I'm suffering from the feeling of being worthless. Every relationship i've been in seems to fail because they lose interest, and I feel like I don't have any true friends. Especially my best friend, who really hasn't been there for me lately. I feel like I'm not worth anyone's time, and I'm just invisible and in the background of everything. I'm afraid to take risks, or be comfortable and act myself. For a while I thought I had aspergers but i don't think i do cause i'm really good a reading/understanding people. Its not social anxiety either (maybe a little) but i dont get like physically sick or anything. I do feel EXTREMELY unwanted and uncared about. I feel like when i talk to people i am wasting their time, but at the same time i really just want to have open relationships with people,etcc. My dad's emotionally unavailable, and mom has told me she doesnt care about me before. i know she does, she just gets really stressed out and stuff, but i can't really talk to her about anything. My parents are divorced and my mom's boyfriend is a gross drunk who's been living off her for 10 years. he calls me whore or slut all the time, and i know that im not but i cant help but cry everytime he does. I have 4 sisters, whom i love dearly more than anything. One of them, whos 20, is in a mental hospital right now and we think she has skitzophrania. Shes physically abusive and is a threat to my family, yet my mom still lets her stay at my house when shes not in treatment. I get really stressed out when shes home, and i get headaches from it. I have a constant fear shes going to harm me or my mom, and its definitely a rational one because it has happened before. My oldest sister, 24, is the only one whos ever been there for me, and the only person who has ever really actually loves me. I'm a little jealous of her though because everyone loves her. I know thats immature but its the truth. Shes super smart and charismatic and kind.But when she moved out i felt like i was left alone in a crazy house with no one to defend me. SO i guess that covers the family situation. It gives me a lot of stress.. I just kind of feel like im not worthy of anything. No one dislikes me really, i mean im sure some do. i dont really have enemies, and i hang out with the more popular kids at school, but i think it only because my bestbfriend is friends with them, not really me. Like I said, im just background girl who everyone thinks is nice but no one wants to get to know or truely care about. I really wish i had a boyfriend, or a bestfriend whos actually there for me, not like how she is now. The only reason guys talk to me is because i'm "pretty." No one wants to be in a relationship, which is what i want. My last boyfriend and I had the dumbest relationship ever. He didn't really care about me and everyone thought we were weird together. He never really took the time to talk to me, yet i had the HUGEST crush on him before. i feel so stupid for acting the immature ways i did in that relationship but i still wish i was in it. I'm lonley. . I box myself off from people and if i try to act normal, i cant. Ill try so hard sometimes too. I feel I need an escape or something and i'm becoming more and more desperate. I would give anything to be someone else who is worth something, special to someone. Ive felt this way for most of my life, but the past 6 monthes has been the worst ever. I'm insecure, annoying, stupid. Ive been thinking about moving towards bad ways of escape. I wish for one day i could just act myself or something, or know what its like to be loved. I don't feel like I belong anywhere. fkjsfk thanks for listening, and sorry for this novel=P. maybe someone could give me advice? hopefully, just someone could relate or something.