Sometimes the medications can do a job on libido.

Also, when women are very stressed (in my experience as a woman) we can not go from stressed/depressed to horny with the click of a switch, which men seem to be more capable of.

Those points being said, it is never fair to use sex as a trade off for some other favor like putting carpet down. (At least not in such a literal transaction... you might be more likely to do something she asks if you were *getting some* but to actually barter over it is pretty extreme.

Are you in any type of therapy together? maybe that would help. This may be more about being exhausted, or her own sense of self esteem rather than something about you.

Good luck!

This sounds all too familiar. Have not had sex in 4,5 months with my wife (lost count now). Its difficult but have managed to plod along so to speak. She uses the excuse I don't want to become pregrant again and I'm not taking the pill again so you better get yourself fixed. She won't and I don't feel that I want to be fixed yet. Any advice on how to cope with this would be much appreciated. I have lost mself behind computer games but this does not fill the emptyness.

i have not had sex for over a year with mt wife becauase i am dealing with depression. i just dont get the desire

There is more to love then sex intimicy is more than physical try being more intimate without the high expetation of sex and see where that leads when someone is depressed the last thing that is needed is to be pressured to give when depressed a person needs to be nutured...

I read your post and wow, talk about something I have been able to relate to and something I have dealt with in the past more then once. I have to admit reading your post was extremely comical, but I know it is not funny when you are going through the sitsuation.

I have learned that when she is in a depressed state, her libido is all but gone. She also has given me the altumatiums in the past. She also would say, you did not help me do the laundry, so why should I do that for you. Those are the times that I would say I walked away and went back to watch television.

All I have learned is during those times of hell, she had literally no desire for sex and me asking her for it is my fault and I am a pig and sex addict. I did not know that having the desire to have sex a few times a week made me a sex freak. ;)
My wife has gone to wanting nothing at all to not getting enough at the flip of a switch, it is part of her illness (bipolar). Her addiction is sex and when she is in a manic stage, she wants it all the time and will give it all the time. Sure it is fun, but scary too. Why is she scary, well she is just not herself and she starts to have sexual fantasies that are not particually normal.

Now you are going to laugh at me, or maybe you will not- but I have found that her medication at night puts her in a deep sleep. When she is in this state, she is very receptive to touch and will hug me and bring me in closer for more. So when she is relaxed and her sub-concious is at work, she is able to enjoy the sex, but when she is her anxious self, forget it.