Wow, this is my first time on this forum and I think I have found where I can be understood. My friends are great to talk to, but they don't fully understand because they are not in this situation. My DH and I are HS sweethearts. (with a 3 year gap, so I have a SD) So I have seen the person he was and the transformation to the person he is. His family has a history of mental illness. I did a paper in grad school on his aunt who has agoraphobia. My DH has anxiety and Depression. He holds grudges on me for days, weeks. Then like the flip of a switch he is OK and acts as though nothing is wrong. He blames me for his problems (this is probably his anxiety). For instance, I don't put sharp knives in my dish water so I put them on the back on the sink until I do dishes. Well, he was so freaked after a while, he says to me "I know what your trying to say with those knives, if you don't want me around I'll just leave then!" I was shocked and like wtf? I had no idea what he was talking about be that was the beginning of that. The first time I noticed his depression, he started calling in alot for work, sleeping in the middle of the day, up all night, drinking heavily, and noticeable decrease in his self-confidence- again blaming me for his troubles. I have NEVER considered leaving. I am Christian and I don't believe God put us together to divorce. I am not going to kick a man while he's down. I do, however, feel there is a "spiritual warfare" going on in him. Anyone who believes in that may understand. I call him Mr. Jekyl and Dr. Hyde. Depends on his mood. Right now, he has not touched or had a dialogue with me for the past 2 1/2 weeks. I know he's depressed. Sleeping as soon as he comes home from work, complaining about my cooking, dreads watching our daughter on Fridays (I have to wk and he is off on Fridays). My father passed away 2 months ago and his daughter moved several states away around the same time. Really, he has went down hill since both occurrences. I am up and down myself trying to balance helping my mom, being a mom, supporting him- though he rejects me, and helping myself cope. The rejection part is what gets me most. And with my last pregnancy in 2007, I was forced to be induced because I was causing baby so much stress with my emotions. She was healthy though. But I was literally crying atleast 2-3 times a week when I was pregnant because he would ignore me. Nothing I say and do can draw him out of his Depression. I just get so down. But I seeked therapy (my pastor happens to have a psychology license). He taught me that God knows how I feel. And that I am a good wife. I am a good mother and a good daughter. My DH was being so mean, I was second guessing myself. I just want support to move forward and stick by him. I have God, and I pray he surrounds me with more positive people who will encourage and not scream "Get out of your marriage" Thanks for listening...
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