Depression Supporters Support Group
This community is dedicated to spouses, children, relatives, co-workers and others who are actively supporting someone suffering from depression or other serious mental illness. Depression can bring about intense sadness, melancholia or despair that has advanced to the point of being disruptive, which can have a grave impact on the ability of others trying to help.
Hi all- New here.
Well, I saw this site, and thought that it might be good for me to get some stuff out, so here it is.
About 4 years ago, I met a wonderful boy, the swept me off my feet and made me feel amazing. Things we great until about a year ago, when I started to notice that he was having mood swings, where he would go from happy and wonderful to just so dark and negative. It happens on a dime, with no provocation. And of course, it is always my fault. I don't give him what he needs. I am not attractive to him. I am a burden. It's the worst feeling in the world to hear that from someone that, 90% of the time, is singing your praises and telling you how much they love you.
This started happening about a year ago with my SO; he said he met someone else, and I had no reason not to believe him. We had been through a lot together but had grown apart, through lack of communication, and it seemed to be the best thing for both of us to just say good bye.
All well and everything, until he started calling me, very upset, saying that he was sorry, that he didn't know why he said those things, etc. I gave it another go, and then, out of nowhere, he literally stops talking to me again.
At some point, you start to look at yourself and say "I'm an idiot, this guy is using me". So, I ignored his calls the next time. I got on with my life, and I learned to love and respect myself a little. Only after that was I able to call him and say "I think the way you treated me was horrible, and I deserve better".
He of course agreed, and tried to make it work. We went on for a month; everything seemed wonderful. He was more mature, was trying hard not to lie, and for the first time in forever I felt like maybe I had the "old" him back.
Then, without one hint of anything wrong, he started to sink back into what I now recognized as a depressed state. Not so much "sad", just pulled away from everything, slept all the time, etc. And being the closest person to him, I bore the brunt of it. He said he never wanted to see me again, and as of three weeks ago, he hasn't.
It's hard to be patient with people like this, when one day they are literally skipping with joy, and the next they are telling you how they hate you. He won't talk to me, read my e-mails, or listen to my concerns, so for right now, the only thing I can do it pray that he will learn to accept that there is something wrong, and love himself enough to get help for it.
It terrifies me because if something happened to him (he likes to drive fast when he is manic, on little sleep and lately, lots of alcohol), I would be devastated. I almost feel that it would be easier if I knew he didn't love me when he was "normal"; then I could just move on.
I think I am the only one that recognizes his condition as bipolar. He never keeps friends long enough to see the cycles, and his parents are very traditional Chinese, and don't "believe" in mental illness (but I have seen and heard enough of how his mother acts towards him to believe that she suffers from bipolar as well).
There have been times when he's manic that he confided in me that he thought something may be wrong, so last week I did the last thing I could think of to help. I put together a little packet of info on bipolar symptoms and treatments, along with the name and phone numbers of the local support group, and a counselor that I know to be very good, and mailed it to him.
Since I sent it, I have been nervous that he will open it, take one look, and toss in right in the trash. No matter how much I accept his condition, I guess I can't force him to accept this part of his life. And I know that no matter how much I love him, if he doesn't love himself, it really doesn't matter.
Right now I am just concentrating on making me feel better, because I have done all that I can for him. I really have nobody to talk to about this, besides a counselor, because my family all thinks he is the scum of the earth for hurting me repeatedly. I know that when he does these things, I am talking to the illness, not the person inside.
Whew. Long story there, but it feels good to get it out : )
Well, I saw this site, and thought that it might be good for me to get some stuff out, so here it is.
About 4 years ago, I met a wonderful boy, the swept me off my feet and made me feel amazing. Things we great until about a year ago, when I started to notice that he was having mood swings, where he would go from happy and wonderful to just so dark and negative. It happens on a dime, with no provocation. And of course, it is always my fault. I don't give him what he needs. I am not attractive to him. I am a burden. It's the worst feeling in the world to hear that from someone that, 90% of the time, is singing your praises and telling you how much they love you.
This started happening about a year ago with my SO; he said he met someone else, and I had no reason not to believe him. We had been through a lot together but had grown apart, through lack of communication, and it seemed to be the best thing for both of us to just say good bye.
All well and everything, until he started calling me, very upset, saying that he was sorry, that he didn't know why he said those things, etc. I gave it another go, and then, out of nowhere, he literally stops talking to me again.
At some point, you start to look at yourself and say "I'm an idiot, this guy is using me". So, I ignored his calls the next time. I got on with my life, and I learned to love and respect myself a little. Only after that was I able to call him and say "I think the way you treated me was horrible, and I deserve better".
He of course agreed, and tried to make it work. We went on for a month; everything seemed wonderful. He was more mature, was trying hard not to lie, and for the first time in forever I felt like maybe I had the "old" him back.
Then, without one hint of anything wrong, he started to sink back into what I now recognized as a depressed state. Not so much "sad", just pulled away from everything, slept all the time, etc. And being the closest person to him, I bore the brunt of it. He said he never wanted to see me again, and as of three weeks ago, he hasn't.
It's hard to be patient with people like this, when one day they are literally skipping with joy, and the next they are telling you how they hate you. He won't talk to me, read my e-mails, or listen to my concerns, so for right now, the only thing I can do it pray that he will learn to accept that there is something wrong, and love himself enough to get help for it.
It terrifies me because if something happened to him (he likes to drive fast when he is manic, on little sleep and lately, lots of alcohol), I would be devastated. I almost feel that it would be easier if I knew he didn't love me when he was "normal"; then I could just move on.
I think I am the only one that recognizes his condition as bipolar. He never keeps friends long enough to see the cycles, and his parents are very traditional Chinese, and don't "believe" in mental illness (but I have seen and heard enough of how his mother acts towards him to believe that she suffers from bipolar as well).
There have been times when he's manic that he confided in me that he thought something may be wrong, so last week I did the last thing I could think of to help. I put together a little packet of info on bipolar symptoms and treatments, along with the name and phone numbers of the local support group, and a counselor that I know to be very good, and mailed it to him.
Since I sent it, I have been nervous that he will open it, take one look, and toss in right in the trash. No matter how much I accept his condition, I guess I can't force him to accept this part of his life. And I know that no matter how much I love him, if he doesn't love himself, it really doesn't matter.
Right now I am just concentrating on making me feel better, because I have done all that I can for him. I really have nobody to talk to about this, besides a counselor, because my family all thinks he is the scum of the earth for hurting me repeatedly. I know that when he does these things, I am talking to the illness, not the person inside.
Whew. Long story there, but it feels good to get it out : )
redsilverfox
BEEN THERE BUT LEFT QUICKER!!!! HUGS XXOO
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