Hi, Im new. I apologize b/c this is long & Ill abbrev where I can. If Im in the wrong community, pls advise. I have 2 older brothers. Im the youngest & only grl. Ill refer 2 them as OB (older brother) & YB (younger brother.) YB has been dependent upon Mom his entire life. This grown man (50y.o. & suffers fr no phy disabilities) has moved back in w/my widowed Mom several times over the yrs b/c hes irresponsible. Whenever hes returned, hes never pd. Mom rent or contributed $$ 4 groceries, utilities, etc. Instead, ea time he moved back in, he let his 74-year-old mother (my Mom!) purchase, cook, & serve all the food, wash & put up all the dishes, pots, & pans, sort, wash, dry, fold, iron, & put up all his laundry, buy his cigarettes & coca-cola, & do all the housework. If that werent enough, he would often acquire a pet while living away from Mom, so whenever he moved in, guess what would come w/him? There was the Goldn Retrvr pup that grew into a 138 lb. dog! Mom pd 4 the dog food, vet bills, & the fence she had 2 put around her property 4 the dog. She brushed the dog & cleaned up after the dog. Couple yrs later: a cat-same scenario. So Mom was saddled w/two pets she never wanted, though she did end up loving them b/c shes the one who took care of them. He moved back w/her in Apr & brought another cat. This time she was able 2 find another home 4 it. Sadly, Mom died unexpectedly in early May. About 9 mos. prior 2 that, my golf-loving YB quit his FT job. Yep, quit a job with med ins & a 401K 2 wrk 20-25 hrs @ a golf course making $6.15/hr. The only benefit this job offers is that hes allwd 2 play all the free golf he wants when hes not working, no matter that he has a 14y.o. daughter hes supposed 2 provide med. ins. 4 & pay child support 4. Mom left her modest 2-BR, 2-BA house 2 us. Its 4 sale. (Want 2 buy it?) We agreed 2 let YB live there & his only responsibility as far as the house goes is 2 pay the utilities & 2 keep it very tidy so the realtor can show it anytime. Moms mo. mort. pmt. is a mere $447, but theres no way he can pay it making $6.15/hr. Since Im better off than my OB, I pay it. Everyone signed promissory notes-Ill get reimbursed b/4 anyone recs any distributions from the sale. Whats driving us crazy & worrying us is its been over 8 mos. since Mom died & YB has made no effort 2 seek FT employment. At his rate of pay, he wont even be able 2 rent a rm, much less an apt! OB told YB about a job he saw online that allowed one 2 submit their application online. He encouraged YB 2 come over 2 complete the app. YBs response? He told OB 2 complete the application 4 him b/c he was never close 2 OBs house (which is only 20 minutes away)! Hes very comfortable asking 4 $$ & things. 4 example, he recently asked OB if OB would GIVE him an old car he has if his got repo'd. OB wks very hard & isnt rich-he said no b/c hes saving that car 4 his son who will be 16 y.o. soon. YB better not let his car get repod-he might be living in it one day! YB drove dwn fr NC w/my niece 2 spend Thxgvng w/me in FL. On the day he was 2 depart, he told me he would need my help 2 make it back 2 NC. Who would take his own daughter out of state w/out knowing he could retn her hm safely?? OB & I have joked 4 the past several mos. that were more worried about YBs welfare than he is, but now were really getting worried & its no longer funny. This is my problem & this is why Im asking 4 help: Its true I have been very disgusted by my YBs behavior in the past (nvr told him that), but I do love him & want 2 help him get out of this funk hes in. This is the very 1st time in his life, ever, that he has not had Mom 2 fall back on & Im sure it must be scary 4 him, even if hes 50y.o. My OB & I realize we dont know the full extent of Moms financial help 2 YB, but we know were not going 2 pick up where Mom left off. I'm so worried he'll be living on the street or @ a homeless shelter! As worried as I am, I know $$ is not the answer. YB lives in Moms house w/out cable or a land line telephone, which was fine b/c he had a cell phone. The cell phone was cut off recently b/c he couldnt pay the bill. He can no longer afford his cigarettes, & bums any brand he can from co-workers. How low will he go?? Hes always been very, VERY quiet, almost secretive, even when he was just a boy. We dont even truly know him! If you ask him a question, he will literally just smile or shrug. Any normal person would have been trying 2 get a FT job or get 2 or 3 PT jobs. I would have continued 2 pay the mort, & he could have used this time until the house sells 2 save as much $$ as poss. Something isnt right. Were pretty sure it isnt drug or alcohol additionwed see the effects of that over the yrs no matter how careful he waswouldnt we?? Were wondering if hes addicted 2 online gambling, or if hes depressed or bipolar, or ?? He says he doesnt have internet, but were not sure. When weve sent him emails during this past 8 mos. theyre not retnd. Wouldnt they be retnd as undeliverable if his acct was closed? I want 2 fly up there & try 2 have a candid, but non-confrontational conversation w/him, but b/c hes so secretive, I dont know where 2 start when bringing up such a sensitive subject. I have 2 @ least try! Id like 2 get him enrolled in some kind of program but I have 2 know whats ailing him first & besides, I cant force him 2 do anything, he has 2 want 2 do it. Anyone have any suggestions?? Thank you.
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