Depression Supporters Support Group
This community is dedicated to spouses, children, relatives, co-workers and others who are actively supporting someone suffering from depression or other serious mental illness. Depression can bring about intense sadness, melancholia or despair that has advanced to the point of being disruptive, which can have a grave impact on the ability of others trying to help.
I will try to give you a little background on the problem. I'm 25. I was with a guy, Andrew for 6 years. Horrible relationship. Abusive, demoralizing, etc. Andrew never built me up..just did whatever he could to push me down. The only part of our relationship that was good was the sex. He never hugged, kissed, or displayed any nonsexual affection towards me. Towards the end of our relationship, he practically had me begging for a hug, kiss or a sign of affection. Took me 6 years to build up the courage to leave.
Advance to now. I'm in a relationship with a new guy. He showeres me with affection. All kinds. Hugs, kisses, even the occational ass grab. He is supportive, loving, and selfless when it comes to me. The only caveat is that he suffers from clinical depression. This is a chronic medical condition that will NEVER go away. He takes his medications and tries to be as healthy as possible. Of course - and as I have posted before - because of his medications - he has a very low sex drive.
It doesn't really matter why his sex drive is so low...the only thing that matters is that it is. I've spoken to him about this, and it went from only having sex once a month to having sex once or twice a week. The problem is that they are hurried quickies that - when they are incorporated into an active sex life is exhilerating - but when they are the only sex you have...its rather, well, disheartening. I have to face the facts. He is not interested in sex. NOt as much as I am. I guess on a scale of 1 to 10 as far as sexual prowess, I weight in at a 12 or 13. I like all kinds of sex. Rough, urgent, passionate and aggresive to slow, tender and gentle. I experience a level of sexual openness and adventure that most women will never have.
So what do you do when your sex drive does not match your partners? I need sex like i need air. I need it to feel alive, to feel oneness with my partner, to feel needed and loved and desired, accepted etc. My needs are (in order) Affection, Sex, family commitment, Fun, Admiration, Domestic support.
Should i have to compromise my need for sex? Should he have to compromise his need not to have sex? it seems to be my experience that when you are with someone whos needs are on par with yours - taking care of eachother's needs no longer becomes a conscious effort. It just happens naturally.
What should I do? Please don't tell me just to masterbate. I masterbate at least 2 or 3 times a week. Don't tell me to have intimacy some other ways. We already do. We hold hands, we go on long walks together, we talk a lot, we do everything together and as a family. Please don't tell me to put my needs on the backburner. I did that for 6 years with me previous relationship...I'm not about to go without again.
I'm not scared to leave. I'm not scared to be alone. I'm just afraid to lose a good thing over sex. Everything else is fine.....its just...this. The sad part is: If I don't leave him and things stay this way, I will become very vulnerable to having an affair. Please advise.
Advance to now. I'm in a relationship with a new guy. He showeres me with affection. All kinds. Hugs, kisses, even the occational ass grab. He is supportive, loving, and selfless when it comes to me. The only caveat is that he suffers from clinical depression. This is a chronic medical condition that will NEVER go away. He takes his medications and tries to be as healthy as possible. Of course - and as I have posted before - because of his medications - he has a very low sex drive.
It doesn't really matter why his sex drive is so low...the only thing that matters is that it is. I've spoken to him about this, and it went from only having sex once a month to having sex once or twice a week. The problem is that they are hurried quickies that - when they are incorporated into an active sex life is exhilerating - but when they are the only sex you have...its rather, well, disheartening. I have to face the facts. He is not interested in sex. NOt as much as I am. I guess on a scale of 1 to 10 as far as sexual prowess, I weight in at a 12 or 13. I like all kinds of sex. Rough, urgent, passionate and aggresive to slow, tender and gentle. I experience a level of sexual openness and adventure that most women will never have.
So what do you do when your sex drive does not match your partners? I need sex like i need air. I need it to feel alive, to feel oneness with my partner, to feel needed and loved and desired, accepted etc. My needs are (in order) Affection, Sex, family commitment, Fun, Admiration, Domestic support.
Should i have to compromise my need for sex? Should he have to compromise his need not to have sex? it seems to be my experience that when you are with someone whos needs are on par with yours - taking care of eachother's needs no longer becomes a conscious effort. It just happens naturally.
What should I do? Please don't tell me just to masterbate. I masterbate at least 2 or 3 times a week. Don't tell me to have intimacy some other ways. We already do. We hold hands, we go on long walks together, we talk a lot, we do everything together and as a family. Please don't tell me to put my needs on the backburner. I did that for 6 years with me previous relationship...I'm not about to go without again.
I'm not scared to leave. I'm not scared to be alone. I'm just afraid to lose a good thing over sex. Everything else is fine.....its just...this. The sad part is: If I don't leave him and things stay this way, I will become very vulnerable to having an affair. Please advise.
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theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??
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I'm trying to exercise daily. I was doing fairly well until I sprained my ankle 2 weeks ago but now I'm getting back on the horse. Today I walked over a mile with my arm weights that are about 22lbs total. I was out of shape and it was hard on my arms. I also did my 30 situps. I'm also going to drink a lot of water and try to eat healthy. I do tend to have a sweet tooth but I'm cutting...
It might be worth looking into.
(Now for a comment you might disagree with, but you are only 25, right? Trust me, in 10 years, you will still have a libido, but it will probably not be the same priority as it is at this time in your life.)