Dementia Support Group
Dementia is the progressive decline in cognitive function due to damage or disease in the brain beyond what might be expected from normal aging. Particularly affected areas may be memory, attention, language and problem solving, although particularly in the later stages of the condition, affected persons may be disoriented in time, place and person (not knowing who they...
My grandfather has always been a very social person, he was the head of our church so you can imagine the socializing he did. Recently he not only is becoming argumentative when before he just would go with the flow but he is also refusing to go places. My mom and aunts are afraid of leaving him home by himself for fear he will pick that moment to start wandering (thankfully that isn't an issue,yet). He doesn't want to go anywhere with my grandmother including church. I don't know if we should just do what he wants or try to put him into situations with other people. I just don't know if it is healthy to allow him to isolate himself. He lives with my grandmother and family comes over every day including my aunt who lives next door but is this enough?
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I have been here before, a long long time ago and now I am back.Forgive me for not just saying what I want to say,even under a triple dose of antidepressants it is still raw and seeping and I am hesitant at revealing it as at least under the bandages around my heart I don,t have to look at how raw and wounded.My child was cleaved from my heart by his own actions. my child of ten,turning eleven...
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I gave my 2 week notice last Friday 13th. Now to join you fine people in a life of leisure and nothing else to do but to look out for myself....is it just me or does that sound pretty boring? My goal was to live to retire and I guess having to take early retirement because of health reasons wasn't exactly the way I had planned things. I just can't stay in that building that is reeking mildew...
My MIL is not able to enter a room for example. When she does, she acts like the Queen Mary's arrived and everyone has to stop what they are doing and remark and comment how happy they are to see her. We have to guide her to sit down, or she'd stand and stare at us.. until she fell down on her wobbily legs.
Sometimes when she is taken to a chair to sit, she will stare at me. Only not just at all of me, but at my crotch! It is horribly embarrassing! Once we were just alone with her, myself and my husband, so I said.. "Stop staring at my crotch!" She looked up towards my face and said, "Why? I like to look at your crotch! I got one too!"
Before dementia, she was social and active. Now, she is really unable to converse easily or casually with other people.
For about 4 and a half years, I took it upon myself to socialize and stimulate her mind. But, recently gave it up. It was wearing me into a burnt-out shell that just wanted to die rather than continue my own life taking care of her.
She'd complain and accuse me of everything she could possibly think of and more! She reported me to her doctor with complaints that I picked on her and put her down all the time!
She told him that I kept her from climbing on chairs! I kept her from crawling under the bed! And, darnit! I wouldn't get her a bicycle so she could ride to where she wanted to go!! The nerve of me!!
The doctor told us that she was emotionally the same as a three year old. She is afraid of social situations and no longer able to deal with even family on an adult level.
With help from a therapist on what the boundaries and guidelines are for giving her care, and my own desire to find balance again.. I stopped the uber care giver routine and just do what needs to be done.
I have accepted that she is emotionally a three year old, and these days, I treat her as I would a three year old.
Guess what? My life is 100% better! Her life is too. The results of my attempts to give her a quality life versus my attemtps to do nothing on that wave lenght.. are the same. I am just happier not trying to make her life better and happier.
Have you asked the doctors where your grandfather is EMOTIONALLY? Maybe he is not longer able to co-exsist with who he was now that he's changed.
It IS possible that his socializing days are closing to an end..
Help him be comfortable.. not be who is no longer able to be.