Read the post on communitcation and the one on dos and don'ts.It will help.My husband likes totell me I'm not helpful and I don;t care. I used to argue with him. Big waste of time. Now I just say, "You're right. I'm not as helpful as i could be. What can I do for you to make it better?"Usually he says, "Nothing. I know you help."Argh.

Hang in there - my mom often tells me she's leaving - going to live with someone who likes her. Bite your tongue and smile really big! We all know what you're thinking!

Myhusband has FTD, also known as Picks disease. It only a 5% cause of dimentia. He does not have Alzheimers. Having said that, the doctor told me that of a person was difficult before the disease, he will be even more difficult after getting the disease. The opposite is also true. I have been blessed because my husband is a great patient. I have learned to do everything to avoid an arguement. He isbecoming child like & therefore I need to treat him as a child but in a dignified way. Hope this helps.

Oh my gosh, This sounds like my dealing with my mother. She was always stubborn and I guess I would say mean. Things are worse now and she seems to love to cause arguments between siblings.

I agree with you
Oregon, When my husband says things as


I certainly agree with Oregon, I do the same and it sure does work. Try it .

hi happy...How I feel your pain. I am dealing not only with mom but with dad too. Both in their 80's. I too have found that although difficult I have had to step back and try to relax as this exact thing has put me in what I feel is a state of anxiety and depression at times. Every day is a problem no matter what you try to do to help. Both parents are passive agressive they play on guilt feelings. Fortunately for me I do have family members that help but they too are tired of the same stuff every day. All of us live one hour and 1/2 to 4 hours away and get the daily Aint it wonderful to be alive phone call. Whether its my mom complaining about my dad or about everything she has to do in regards to her sister whos she is the legal guardian of or dad complaining about mom or asking /telling us what neeeds to be done. Its not like they are not capable of doing many of these things themselves they do what I feel is make believe stuff so we can do it for them. Mom has always been a complainer whether it be that we picked her about five minutes late or she dosent like the way we run our homes. Dad too is the same way except he talks to mom and she is vocal about it. They are constantly bunting heads and always puit me in the middle. It got so bad that I was waking up everyday thinking about them and the silly stuff that goes on . Mom has been on medication for depression but all it does is make her sleepy and in a confuse state. Doesnt stop her from complaing which i know that not what these meds are for. I know she suffers from depression however the only medication she takes at this point is a vitamin, litpior and mirtazapine at night. The mirtazapine has been stopped a week ago as I said we felt that perhaps the confusion she experiences was due to this drug. For a woman her age she is in great physical health. Very stubborn though. Dad suffer from diabetis, highblood pressure and recently had bipass surgery in 12/09. although all these ailments are under control he took to visiting the hospital on a weekly bases the sad thing is the the hospital would admitt him since he complained of chest pain. After tests were done there were no heart related problem. Finally the staff members decided that this is unusal and that what they were going to do from now on was to run tests and if all is well send him home. (DUH!) all of a sudden father has not been to the hospital anymore. At times he would make believe he was dizzy and stumbles around when an audience was present and suddenly have a miraculous recovery when no one was ther to watch his show. WE have tried for years to make them move closer to one of us to no avail. Again there is always a problem. At one point I thought that they can perhaps move in with me but I know now that would destroy not only me but my marital and family life. The pressure is too strong. At this point I really dont know what to do. I know that mom is under alot of pressure with her sister who has the mentalitly of a 7 year old but she refuses to do anything to lighten the load. Her plan is when she dies that I will move my aunt with me. My aunt lives in the same building with my mom lives in and visits mom on a dialy basis. Their brother who is inhis late 80's and as strong as a bull visits my aunt and stays over. But he dosent believe in doctors and is very combative whenever we try to talk to him about coming to some sort of solutin to make life a little easier not only for him but my mom. and us. Again there is always a problem ./....I am trying to convince my mom to get a home attendant for my aunt that can take her to her doctors appointments and administer her medication but mom will have nothing to do with it. Again there is always an excuse.whether it be that the uncle is there etc but yet she says she cant take my aunt to the Docotors as she is not feeling well and get very nervous. As you can see it is very complex situation. What scares me is that they are getting older and these problems are never going to end. We all love them very much but are becoming very angry and resentful. I feel like I have spent the majoity of my life dealing with their issues rather them mine. In the same breath my parents say that I have a family and have to think about them but turn around and say that I am the only daughter and have to take care of them. At this point I am trying to step back and do what I can in areas where they really need the help but it aint easy...I was trying to determine if my mom has dementia but after reading the symtptoms am not sure...She might forget but then remembers.She does get confused but Im not sure if its this medication that we took her off. I guess time will tell. or due to the prssures she is under or puts herself under as I too am experiencing the same symptoms when ever Im overwhelmed. which is just about everyday. As you can see my situation is very complex and I can go on and on so I will stop now. What I need is some kind of help and direction. I have talked to my friends about this but at this point I think they are tired of the same old stuff. Yes they are our parents and as grown children we need to help them but to what extent? i have not found the answer to this question and dont think i ever will. thanks for readin....Karma

it is sometimes very hard to be nice to an aging parent who has recreated history. In order to be content with the life led,my Mom creates a life where she was always wonderful to everyone and everyone has always mistreated her. I can smile and let it go when it is about me, but when she starts pointing out old slights she has imagined concerning my children it becomes very difficult to not correct her. I find it best to just leave her company. If she can spark a disagreement it seems to validate her power over something. She feels powerless and at the mercy of others. I find changing the subject helpful but sometimes must just leave.

I meant to ask if anyone notices a necessity of concluding, sometimes outragiously, a process such as:"she walked right past me because she was ashamed of what her dog did to my yard. She couldn't face me because she knows I can see how poorly she behaved." The fact was she walked past and rest was reason jumped to by conclusions.