Dementia Support Group
Dementia is the progressive decline in cognitive function due to damage or disease in the brain beyond what might be expected from normal aging. Particularly affected areas may be memory, attention, language and problem solving, although particularly in the later stages of the condition, affected persons may be disoriented in time, place and person (not knowing who they...
Hi All.
I have a very frustrating problem I hope someone has some suggestions for dealing with.
My husband is in the early stages of dementia, in denial that there is anything wrong with his brain and thinking, and totally unaware he is displaying common signs of dementia.
Yesterday, my husband's neurologist, who gave the diagnosis of dementia a month ago, spent over fifty percent of his time with us explaining, restating and reexplaining why my husband should not be driving. Not at all. Period. His cognitive skills are too slow and there is too much risk of him not being able to react in time to a sudden situation.
The neurologist related a true story of a man with dementia who continued to drive. One day he created a bad accident which killed his wife. Because his wife was his caregiver at home, he had to go to a nursing home. So with one misjudgment, the man lost his wife, his caregiver, his home, AND his driving privilege. While my husband today repeated this story to a friend, he insisted he can drive and he will drive.
Sadly, in Nevada where we live, physicians are not required to report of patients who should not be driving due to medical conditions. At the last support group meeting I attended, I also learned that the DMV here is not supportive of trying to help caregivers keep family members off the road who should not be behind the wheel.
Today, I attempted to speak with my husband about the situation to try to get him to voluntarily stop driving. He refuses, insisting he will continue to drive around where we live, which is rural. However, there is enough traffic here to be of concern for his driving. And, horrors, the thought of him hitting a horse & rider should the steed suddenly spook in front of the vehicle he's driving gives me shivers.
I could take my husband's keys and hide them, which I may have to do for lack of a kinder way. I know his reaction: Every couple of days he will ask me about his keys and blame me for their disappearance - which will be true. This actually happened over the summer. He couldn't find his car keys and kept taking mine - which are now hidden from him - and blaming me for hiding his keys, usually in unkind tones and accusations. Last week he found his keys in the pocket of one of his robes - that he hadn't worn during the summer because it's a winter robe. Urrrrrrggggghhhhhh.
I'm befuddled trying to figure out how to keep my husband from driving - without setting myself up for a seemingly never-ending round of accusations, anger, and nastiness. I may just have to weigh the alternative of the image of someone injured by my husband because I didn't do something, and live with his unkind reactions, hoping he'll forget it some day.
Any and all suggestions and experiences welcome.
I have a very frustrating problem I hope someone has some suggestions for dealing with.
My husband is in the early stages of dementia, in denial that there is anything wrong with his brain and thinking, and totally unaware he is displaying common signs of dementia.
Yesterday, my husband's neurologist, who gave the diagnosis of dementia a month ago, spent over fifty percent of his time with us explaining, restating and reexplaining why my husband should not be driving. Not at all. Period. His cognitive skills are too slow and there is too much risk of him not being able to react in time to a sudden situation.
The neurologist related a true story of a man with dementia who continued to drive. One day he created a bad accident which killed his wife. Because his wife was his caregiver at home, he had to go to a nursing home. So with one misjudgment, the man lost his wife, his caregiver, his home, AND his driving privilege. While my husband today repeated this story to a friend, he insisted he can drive and he will drive.
Sadly, in Nevada where we live, physicians are not required to report of patients who should not be driving due to medical conditions. At the last support group meeting I attended, I also learned that the DMV here is not supportive of trying to help caregivers keep family members off the road who should not be behind the wheel.
Today, I attempted to speak with my husband about the situation to try to get him to voluntarily stop driving. He refuses, insisting he will continue to drive around where we live, which is rural. However, there is enough traffic here to be of concern for his driving. And, horrors, the thought of him hitting a horse & rider should the steed suddenly spook in front of the vehicle he's driving gives me shivers.
I could take my husband's keys and hide them, which I may have to do for lack of a kinder way. I know his reaction: Every couple of days he will ask me about his keys and blame me for their disappearance - which will be true. This actually happened over the summer. He couldn't find his car keys and kept taking mine - which are now hidden from him - and blaming me for hiding his keys, usually in unkind tones and accusations. Last week he found his keys in the pocket of one of his robes - that he hadn't worn during the summer because it's a winter robe. Urrrrrrggggghhhhhh.
I'm befuddled trying to figure out how to keep my husband from driving - without setting myself up for a seemingly never-ending round of accusations, anger, and nastiness. I may just have to weigh the alternative of the image of someone injured by my husband because I didn't do something, and live with his unkind reactions, hoping he'll forget it some day.
Any and all suggestions and experiences welcome.
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theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??
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I'm trying to exercise daily. I was doing fairly well until I sprained my ankle 2 weeks ago but now I'm getting back on the horse. Today I walked over a mile with my arm weights that are about 22lbs total. I was out of shape and it was hard on my arms. I also did my 30 situps. I'm also going to drink a lot of water and try to eat healthy. I do tend to have a sweet tooth but I'm cutting...
I can relate to each and every feeling you are experiencing. My mother is convinced that she can drive at age 82, given the chance. That will never happen...I have the keys and I hold on to this thought "Would a concerned, rational, person allow a loved one of diminished capacity to put themselves and others in harms way?" When the subject comes up daily, I put the ball in the doctor's court and remind her that "they" recommend she not drive because their concern is for her safety. When she insists on hearing it from "them" directly, I tell her she can discuss it on her next appointment and quickly draw her attention elsewhere. I find it is soon forgotten until the next encounter, and I am no longer the villain responsible for depriving her of her privileges.
Co-Conspirator to Make The World A Better Place
duxinaro
These are such horrible problems for caregivers to face. I send you my best wishes.
Getting your loved one to give up the car keys can be one of the most difficult things a caregiver must do. The Hartford Insurance Group, in collaboartion with the Massachusetts Institute of Technology Age Lab, has released a guide to help people deal with this issue. It is only available online at www.thehartford.com/alzheimers. While geared to people dealing with Alzheimers it still has many useful pieces of advice. As always, caregivers dealing with Frontotemporal lobe disorders, need to be mindful of the differences between Frontotemporal Dementias and Alzheimers. When it comes to driving, one of the principle differences is that judgment may be much more severely compromised with FTD than with Alzheimers. Caregivers need to excercise their own judgment, as well as heeding the advice of their physician, when it comes to "taking away the keys." Remember, it can be other lives who are put in danger, not just your loved one if he or she drives when they shouldn't (not to mention the liability issues you may be exposing yourself to.)
He said "I was right! There's nothing wrong with my eyes and I passed the test. I can drive for 5 more years." Arghhh!!!
Needless to say I was devastated. He doesn't have any eye problems. He is too cautious. He drives over curbs, changes lanes too slowly.
I was doing most of the driving but I have age related macular degeneration and have developed double vision so it isn't safe for me to drive either. I suggested we sell his pickup and my car, take the $$ from them and $$ from the cancelled insurance and open an account for transportation. We can take a lot of taxi rides for that amount of money.
He suggests that I do just that. There's nothing wrong with him. Everyone has memory problems. He read our doctor's note that said he has dementia and wanted to know what that was. I explained very kindly that it was memory loss. His response was that the doctor never did know anything. An hour later he didn't even remember the conversation and that doctor is the greatest guy ever.
I have two vehicles to sell, insurance to cancel and two cell phones to buy. I think I'm going to need some help here. Blessings!