Is she likely to remember?

If not, the time is past to explain what is wrong with her. Just use redirection or the white lie method. Is it realistic or kind to have her go through the sadness and mourning stage each time you explain it?

Bt the time we found out it doesn't really matter to her and to tell her well she can't rem4mber going to the bathroom let alone about her Deminita. I am as well her full time care giver and the last of her living children. I take care of her 24/7. I will say at the Dr's we don't shy away about talking about her deminita and we do mention it to her but it isn't somethng that stays with her Good Luck nd God Bless I know where you are coming from

My husband has AD dementia. He uses Exelong, a transdermal patch. I put it on his back every day and every day he asks why he needs to use it. And, every day I explain it is to help his memory loss. He does not appear to go through any grief or mourning when he hears this. I hopt it's ok to tell him this, but we've been married for over 58 yers and we've never kept anything from each other. This is such a sad thing. He's in very good health but tells me all the time how tired he is. He falls asleep and takes 3 and 4 long (1-2 hour) naps and sleeps 7-8 hours at night. I think I should feel sorry for him but he doesn't seem to be suffering. In fact, he's in very good spirits most of the time. However, he does get more aggitated now than he did, say a month ago. I guess that's the progress of the disease. So sad.

Lita, I think you have chosen the perfect words for your situation.

They do sleep a lot it seems with this disease. I like your honesty.When mom asks whats wrong with her, I tell her sometimes, and she looks sad for a minute then understands, and moves on to the next subject.I think it frightens them when they are somewhat lucid and know that they are not right. Comfort and honesty (gentle honesty) seems to help. This is a very horrible disease...one that has so many phases..they turn into many different people along the way, which I find the hardest.I try not to perpetuate the white lies too much...it only seems to contrbute to a deeper journey into OZ !
Thanks for your comment. Write me anytime, and we are all here to support you. You are not alone.
Morganfairy

Both of my parents have dementia. My mother has had it for at least 5 years. I have never told her she has it because she has never asked and I thought it would be best not to tell her anyway. Her dementia is now becoming delusional and it is quite scary. She gets so many things confused in her mind and I try to go along with it, unless it's something I really need to correct. My dad has had dementia for at least 3 years, and while not as bad as my mom yet, I also believe he has Parkinson's Disease. Trying to get new doctors for assessments and care.

I struggle with that question, too. My dad knows something is wrong. But I think telling him would hurt him and he would forget. When he mentions that he can't remember I listen, but don't tell him why he can't remember.

I think every family is different with my grandma who suffers almost exactly from the same as your loved one, we have opted not to tell her. Not only will she probably not remenber, but when she was younger she had a fear of these diseases after watching her brother suffer. she gets agitated easily with the dementia as it is so this would just make things for granny worse. Good luck gina

I tell my Mom when she gets upset and asks me what is wtong with her, but she forgets in 5 minutes, she even forgets why she wears oxygen 24/7 and that Hospice provides the oxygen machine and tubing and why the Hopice nurse comes every week. She is in the denial stage in which she still thinks she cooks, cleans, etc. I too use the redirection method with her which usually works with her delusional thinking. God Bless each and every one of you.

I was trying to be disceet with Mom about the Dementia, but my sister believes in telling it like it is.

I went to the Alz.Soc.and didn't tell Mom.

My sister went too but she took Mom with her.

My mother cooperates with my sister better than she does with me so Mom is willing to go for the assessment set for Oct.1st.

From what I can understand it doesn't hurt for them to know.

Because they do know something is wrong. I asked Mom a question yesterday and rather not letmeknow she didn't know how to answer she just made something up.

They try to hide it God love them. She is fighting this so much.

I know you want to do what is right for your mom, but remember she can no longer reason or grasp the things you tell her. There is something called a therapeutic fib or little white lie. If she thinks there is a man under her bed than agree and chase him out. Meet her where she is today. Use compassionate communication with her and don't remind her that she has forgotten or told you the same thing over and over again. Step into her world and enjoy where she is at today. These special moments will comfort you in the future..jo

To some extent though I learned that karma forgives you for therapeutic lying.

I think it depends on where they are at. In the early stages, of course you ought to tell them what is going on. They are still at the point where they can have some decision power over their own health and life.

But in the end stages, when they have forgotten your name telling them all of the horrible things that are going on in their own lives is neither kind nor reasonable.

Some questions need common sense answers. This is one of them.

That is such good information.Thank you for sharing that, I would get so frustrated with Mom that I would tell her you forgot.

I have dementia and I wanted to know why I was NUTS and not being myself. Not remembering people's names, forgetting stuff that I was told yesterday, having "I do not care attitude" which is APATHY, a lot of care givers do not know that much about dementia. All I can advise is learn everything you can so you are aware of what is heading your way. Sticking your head in the sand does not change a thing. Since I know I have dementia I can do everything I can to change my way I deal with things when I do not do things the way I am suppose to. I do not want to go thru my life in the dark and wonder why I do diffent things I never did before. All I can say I would be going absolutely bonkers if I did not know why I was doing what I am doing. I have also had the mini strokes, I am not the same person I was 3 years ago and I need to know who I am today and also know some of the things I may do because my brain and body is just not getting along. It is not good when the brain does not so what it used to do and the body still wants to (that was supposed to be funny} That is what I have found that helps me the most, knowing what I am dealing with and having a sense of humor, is this a funny disease, heavens no, but it is much easier to deal with and also dealing with others if I can keep things light when I do something completely not me. I have even given my new self a new name, Flops, so when I do something kind of strange or off the wall I can blame it on Flops, that other guy. The people around me at more at ease when I do something goofy and at least they still around me and want me around. It amazes me how people drop out of peoples lives when they have a disease that will shorten our lives. By the way I tend to go on and on sometimes also, that is Flops, thanks Phil