I was in a group that had that problem. I think the most helpful thing was making it a point to have many more people be active. Think if you were a newcomer and your post got one harsh comment in a pool of 20 comments you would probably be more open to returning than if it was one out of four.

If you leave the board for just those few people ya they will most likely take it over but you dont have to let them just rise up and have everyone post more and eventually they will die down or at least be less noticable

One thing you can do is to send a feedback form to DS that outlines the problem. If you have some direct evidence then include it; a link to the post with a comment telling which reply or replies you believe were offensive will help them get to the heart of the matter faster.

Be positive! Answer posts from new members without flaming the ones you believe are trying to take over.

TwilightStar's advice about taking back over makes a lot of sense to me. My first reaction would to follow ThePepperMan's advice, but TwilightStar's seems better in my opinion. Luckily, I haven't really noticed too much of there. There were short periods of time where I encountered that in one of the groups I frequent the most. There are a few support groups I haven't returned to, though, because of how hateful some people were to me.

while ds is an online support group, we do have members in several groups who have formed friendships outside of here. They have talked on the phone, exchanged emails, some have even met so while to a newcomer, it may seem "cliquish", to those members who have become friends,, it may be something as simple as an affirmation of their friendship they have made from meeting on here.

and yes, in some groups there are posts that are bumped up but i have found, at least in the groups i belong to, that those posts contain a lot of good information that could and have been beneficial to a lot of new members.

my advice as always to all members, is as adults, take what you find beneficial out of a group. not everyone is going to get along or see eye to eye. there will always be personality clashes when you get a group of people together irregardless of whether it is on here or in the "real world". As far as here, it is up to the individual member on what they choose to get or not get out of a group.

My suggestion would be to let the person posting know in a delicate way how they are coming across. If it were me or if it is, I would like to know if I'm saying anything that seems offensive or too repetivie or insensitive. The individual may not realize how a post is being received. Just a thought.

>>I notice that on one particular website

I don't know about other websites .. but what you describe .. if it is a DS Group .. the problems need to be reported in abuse forms and PROBABLY some members need to be put on IGNORE.

Thanks for all your replies. Well appreciated. I will take all your suggestions in mind.

One thing though about friendships: they should be conducted in private messages rather than on the forum posts or public areas so that everyone feels included.

The omission can be really obvious. It was made me to feel unwanted on several occasions. I can ignore but it is hard when it is there amongst your own friends, etc. I hate dropping friends. Also, you miss the point of the post if you ignore comments.

Also, if the same people contribute over and over again, it doesn't help the newbies help themselves. Remember the old line about looking up a word by yourself. It is true. By helping others, you help yourself. By doing service work by helping others, it helps the newcomers. Just my opinion. I am an outsider and am just getting my opinion out there. But I do have experience. I have a lot of experience in certain fields. In others, I need help and I want to speak out and not be taken over.

Thanks for your input. Just putting mine in as well.

I dont know if you can do anything about a group of people who want to be friends and be close as long as they are not being abusive, are they saying anything nasty? calling someone a "forever friend" is not abusive I would think. I have found along time ago you can not control how other people act.

You can change your behaviors to adapt to this by making sure you welcome the newcomers more and keep bringing up post other then theirs. You can counteract their actions with your own to make post enjoyable.

You will drive yourself crazy trying to fix them what you need to do is fix you to make it better for the group. That is my two cents hope it helps

as long as members are not being abusive and violating terms of service, then no one has the right to tell other people what they should and should not say in a public forum. " forever Friend" does not violate any terms of service here. Every member has a choice on what they choose to read and not read in any thread on here.

"it isn't just me because others have expressed the same thing to me in private messages as to why they don't go on the site anymore." in my opinion, we are all adults here and if a member has a problem with another member, then they should take it up with that member and try to work it out rather than take it to someone else and if they can't work it out then they have the choice of as i have stated, to use the ignore feature or choosing simply to not read the other person's entries.

I think if you got together the people that are PM'ing you and you all went on the site and started to change the dynamics of the group you would all be the bigger then the three who are being clicky and therefore would have the bigger impact of the newcomers.

It really bothers me when I'm not answered in a support group because I'm not important to the group and I'm a newcomer. It's not right and it doesn't help people if they go to a support group and get ignored. It would be nice if the ignored people all banded together and helped everyone else.

timetraveler, I get what you're saying. I joined DS as a newcomer several months ago but quickly was turned off by the vibe I got from the boards. In no regards am I a shy person; I speak my mind and love to share my advice and ask questions, but DS became too overwhelming for me. It's hard to explain or describe- it's not really that the members are outright being mean or bullying, it's more of an unwelcoming feeling that makes us shy away from posting.

I've made some mates here that I keep in touch with off DS. Sometimes it can take time for others to get to know you here in the communities. I have also seen small groups that use a forum to flame or entertain themselves at the groups expense. If it get's out of hand, it can be raised in a feedback form to DS. I'd encourage the Ignore option. Doing that takes doesn't feed the source. As others have suggested, posting threads and replies relative to the support group and steering the board into a positive direction helps as well.

We're a community, and communities survive on participation from 'all' members to keep it going. If everyone pitched in, the support would drown out any minority disruption. It may seem tiresome at times, but keep persevering and remember why you came here. It's pretty neat how we can come together to share in support from all parts of the world and let each other know we're not alone.

Traveller, keep the focus on giving and receiving support. If you give support, and don't feel it's being acknowledged by those in the thread, think that there may be someone out there reading in who may get something out of what you post. I've posted threads that have got no replies, or only one or two, and that's okay. If what I post can help but one,a nd sometimes that one is me. When I'm tired and overwhelmed, I might throw up a Tired thread to remind myself what to do. All good mate, focus on support :}

I have to say, I was a little stumped until you used the term "forever friend". I do belong to the Smoking Addiction & Recovery Group and to be honest, I don't feel that any one person dominates the board. However, I'm not sure who is being "harsh" on new comers. I don't comment or reply on every post, but I do tend to read most of them. And I don't recall anyone being rude to a new member.

Second, you state that there are 3-4 more members that repeat their old post. Every post that I have seen that gets reposted are the post with very useful tips and information to help people along in their quit. I feel these post are great for newbies. I know they were for me when I first quit. When I would have a bad night and start second guessing my want to quit, I would sit and read those kind of post just to pass the time. And maybe I am misunderstanding the next line, but you say "they are always giving advice"....Isn't that what we as a support group is suppose to do, give advice.
I have been with that group for over a year now and of course just like any other forum post, sometime people step on others toes, or say things that may not seem offensive to them but another may take it that way. But that is all a part of being in a group of people all with different opinions.
Just as you are entitled to your opinion, others are too~

I feel like if a member makes the choice to not come back, we can't always chalk it up to a bad group or the information they were given. Sometime they have their own personal reasons for not coming back. There have been many to be on for a while, lose their quit and not come on out of their own guilt of slipping. Then they decide to try again and they show back up. This has happened to lots of members just in my time of being in the group.

As far as the friendships thing, I would think that is only a good thing. I am very happy to have made some of the friendships that I have made on DS. There are a few of them that helped me and talked me through some rough times. And if it wasn't for their help and support and persistence, I may have lost my quit to.

I know you stated that you could remove them from your friends and put them on ignore, but you don't want to lose a friend.....In this case you need to ask yourself "Are they your friend if they make you feel this way"? I am sure I wouldn't keep them as a friend if I felt that way.

As for myself.....I'm pretty sure I have never belonged to any cliques. And for the friends I have made here, I am very happy to have had the opportunity to meet such great people willing to take time from their day to help me along and give me the extra push when I need it. You definitely don't find many groups where people are around as much as some of these people.
Therefore, I am thankful for my experience on DS

(((just my two cents)))~
Hugs to you all~

Sorry, I came out to the DS Community Support Group looking for info on a system issue I was having and came across this thread which made me look at similar threads out here as well, and I gotta say, WOW. Given the world we live in right now, these are the issues that have everyones knickers in a twist?

Some people just connect with others more on a group. I think thats the cool think about DS. It opens you up to others you can relate to.

How anyone takes anything personally in an online community is kind of strange to me. And trying to dissect peoples intentions from a post is an exercise in madness. On line communities and support groups are not for everyone because being on line does give people the anonymity to not always be polite, nice, or give you what you need. And if you dont have the capacity to not let that get to you, to blow it off and roll with it, I can see how that would bother some people. But really, if I think someone is a jerk, I tend to ignore them and call it a day. Or I point it out if its really abusive and call it a day. Period.

I also find that in the communities that deal with serious physical health crisis issues, there are a lot of people are on crazy meds, or stressed out and that may cause them to not always be supportive or engaged in the way you want them to be. In that regard, you gotta cut people some slack and not get too caught up in this junior high stuff.

As my mom would always say, you cant control other people. All you can control is yourself. Im 46 years old and thats still the best advice Ive ever received from anyone.