My Dad and Mum had been married 55 years when Dad died, May 14 2007. Your right the special days are really tough, and the closer it gets to the first year anniversary for me everything seems to be just as raw and painful as it was when Dad died. But we do get through the days somehow. I have no magic way of doing it, its just a day at a time and deal with the emotions as they come. My parents were married on my birthday...6 years before I arrived, so I'm a constant reminder to my Mum that Dad is gone..makes it a little bit tougher I guess.
I can't tell you any way of making it easier, but I can tell you it will get different...you learn to live day to day, don't try to be too strong, you need to be honest with your feeling ... your Mum will understand if you need to cry, take a break, do what makes you feel a bit better... sorry I can't come up with a solution...but you are not alone here, we all feel the same
((((((hugs)))))

Dilli,

Thank you so much for your response. I can't imagine what you must feel on your birthday. I know that time is a healer.

You are completely right about everything you said. Today, I spent it with my mom and husband and I was talking to my mom about my weight loss and about random stuff when she began to cry. I hugged her and when she asked me about how I felt I tried to be strong but when I began to talk about my feelings I completely lost it. It was a complete mixture of feelings from pain, sorrow, anger that have been bottled up.

Well, once again, thank you so much for your words, they really do help.

I'm sending you a hug back.

Yaneth

I am new to this site and am so happy to have found it. I too, lost my dad last June 26. We found out he had a Liver tumor in march and he died in June. He was extremely active and he and my mom lived next door to me and my husband. they had been married 51 years. I am totally miserable. I can't seem to get it together. If anyone has any suggestions I would appreciate them. I miss my Daddy soooo Much It's crazy I had no idea it would affect me like this. I think also i'm going thru Perimenopause and that's not helping either.

I think be led by her on the day, she may want company or may want alone time. Encourage her to talk and share. I think parents want to protect their children, even when we're adults. And, we're all different, I get no comfort from the cemetry/graveyard but my dad used to take flowers on wedding anniversary, birthdays etc (Mum passsed first, dad passed last March)

Something really struck me about your post. You are in so much pain (I know, me too) yet you are able to wonder "how can I help" my mother. What a wonderful person you must be. I have found some healing in whatever, small attempts, I can make to help others who are grieving. There has not been much I can actually "do" to help my own mother, but I am there. I am at the end of the phone no matter how many times she calls or with her when she visits. She has not wanted me to come home again though I have offered.

My Daddy passed 14 months ago. I can tell you we made it through each first holiday and anniversary. Each one is 24 hours. That's all. Be there for each other. You can also be on this board on those days writing your heart out. You can tell everyone that the anniversary is tomorrow or today and they will be there for you, because we KNOW. My parents were together more than 50 years. I lit a candle for my Dad in a church on the anniversary of his passing. I cried but it was also humorous. My husband and I spent so much time deciding what saint to light the candle near. That is so like my Dad - and Mom. Just wanting it to be perfect for the person they are honoring. He is always here with me. I believe that if you can reach out to others, you can make it.

Thank you so much for your words. I actually look forward to the time that I am able to dedicate time to read the posts, comment, and write on my journal. I find this place incredible. I can write what I'm feeling and have people understand me and share with me true words of comfort or of experience. I find that everywhere else I get empty words.

Wednesday will be a month since my dad passed - I call him "Papi". I find myself weaker as time passes.

My parents were married for 53 years when Dad passed away, Dad died 8 days after his 76 birthday, Mum is coping in her own way and i help her whenever i can, i take her out for lunches and she has even stayed at our house, she says the night times are the worse for her, i can't imagine what she must be going through, i mean i miss my Dad terribly but it must be so much worse for her, she's lost her soul mate and i've lost my hero.
Kacs xx

Kacs, your reply almost made me feel as if I had written it. My mom and I go out on weekends, and I go to her house everyday after work. But she too says that late nights are the worse for her. She says that when she goes to bed her brain turns on and the projector in her mind begins to play - especially the last moments.

I to can't imagine what she must be going through, as the pain that I feel seems huge she must be overwhelmed. I have told her that when she is with me to not hold back any emotions that she might feel. I tell her to cry, yell, or whatever might help her.

I am so sorry to hear of your dad's passing. I know how lonely it can feel, but the worse thing to do is to bottle up those feelings! Your husband and friends are people who should understand your sadness, and need to vent, and if you feel comfortable with it, those are the ones I would turn to first. Allow yourself to be comforted and pampered. You have just suffered a great loss. Please be well, and let your feelings out if you can. Wishing you all the best.

I am so happy to find this website! I lost my dad 6 months ago on Oct 21, 2007. I feel that it is harder to deal with now then it was at the time of his death. I think that because he was sick for 9 months and we knew that his life was coming to an end it was a little easier to deal with when he did die, but NOW that I have had time to rest after caring for him and working full time while he was sick my body is just now catching up and processing what has happened. I miss him so much and feel almost guilty to go on with my life. He was always a major part of it. The holidays are very hard. I had to deal with Thanksgiving and Christmas right after he passed. Then came my birthday in April, my 1st b-day without my dad calling me and signing to me. VERY HARD!!! Youâ??re not alone here and we feel your pain...I do agree, it is hard to talk to friends that have not been through this. I have very much pulled away from some friendships because I get the feeling from them that I should so be over this by now and be back to my happy self..

My father passed away 2 1/2 years ago, the holidays, birthdays are hard. But don't dwell on the fact that they are coming up. My brother, mom and I always get together on those days. I know my mom tells me how much pain she's going through. Tells me it's worse then hers, she has lost her father years ago that she was very close to. I can't imagine her pain being worse than mine, because it does hurt. The best thing I have done for my mom, I always make a point to call her even if it's something out of the blue. Always listen to your mom. There's times when I don't even have a response to what she says. I think just listening to her talk about her pain, helps out alot. Be together as a family on those special days. Have fun together, talk about dad and all the funny stuff he did. The pain is always there, but it don't hurt as much, as time passes. Mom and I just the other night talked about my dad for about 45 minutes. It's just good to talk! I know this is very difficult time for you. I know and it's not fun. Please don't dwell on the fact that these special days are coming up and you don't know how to handle it. Ask for God's grace, he'll help you through this. You have to let your feelings out too, don't keep them bottled inside. It's not healthy. I've cried many, many times with my mom. It's natural. God has given us these emotions for a reason. We are all here for you! We know what your going through. Praying for you!

I lost my dad December 15, 2007, 8 days afer his 57th birthday and right before Chistmas, Christmas was my dad;s fav time of year, and I have no clue how I was able to pull it together last year, I think that the numbness and shock was still around me and I just tried to make it. I too am dreading Father's Day, it is going to be filled with pain, and I am not going to kid myself to think it's not. Mom and dad were married 36 years, and I don't know when the pain will stop, but I am going to start group grief counseling May 20th, which I hope will help me a lot. I have also started readind 3 books dealing with grief and I pray that it will help. I hope that everday you find a bit more peace in your heart, and that you have days filled with love and hope. There is no magic plan that we have for healing, but each day that the pain lessens is a day of joy. Love Kanika Johnson