I lost my day 16 years ago, March 24, 1992, just 10 days after my birthday.
Although he has been gone for awhile I still miss him, and often find myself needing him. My father was some what of a hard man, he had a hard childhood and his adult life wasn't that much easier. He and my mother would have been married 30 years in September of 1992. He was plumber, a very hard worker. I am the youngest of two children, my brother was 3 years older then I. I was the baby, but most of all I was daddy's baby. Growing up we were poor, but as the song goes..."we were poor but we had love and thats the one thing daddy made sure of". Growing up I didn't understand a lot of what my father was trying to teach me, like when he would tell me that you reap what you sow, or if you make a bed out of roses, expect thorns, or the only time that you will truly fail, is when you don't try. These thing never mad since to me as a child, but now...I understand each and ever one of them.
After loosing my father I realized just what I had lost, my father, my friend, but most of all my teacher. I have put the words of my father in my children, and in my grandson, I have taken the foot prints that he has laid before me and I have used them as my guide in life.
My father still lives on, in me, and in my children.
Our loss has been great, but the greater of the loss would be to not let our fathers live in us, and cheat others out of their wisdom.
Although he has been gone for awhile I still miss him, and often find myself needing him. My father was some what of a hard man, he had a hard childhood and his adult life wasn't that much easier. He and my mother would have been married 30 years in September of 1992. He was plumber, a very hard worker. I am the youngest of two children, my brother was 3 years older then I. I was the baby, but most of all I was daddy's baby. Growing up we were poor, but as the song goes..."we were poor but we had love and thats the one thing daddy made sure of". Growing up I didn't understand a lot of what my father was trying to teach me, like when he would tell me that you reap what you sow, or if you make a bed out of roses, expect thorns, or the only time that you will truly fail, is when you don't try. These thing never mad since to me as a child, but now...I understand each and ever one of them.
After loosing my father I realized just what I had lost, my father, my friend, but most of all my teacher. I have put the words of my father in my children, and in my grandson, I have taken the foot prints that he has laid before me and I have used them as my guide in life.
My father still lives on, in me, and in my children.
Our loss has been great, but the greater of the loss would be to not let our fathers live in us, and cheat others out of their wisdom.
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I'm trying to exercise daily. I was doing fairly well until I sprained my ankle 2 weeks ago but now I'm getting back on the horse. Today I walked over a mile with my arm weights that are about 22lbs total. I was out of shape and it was hard on my arms. I also did my 30 situps. I'm also going to drink a lot of water and try to eat healthy. I do tend to have a sweet tooth but I'm cutting...
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My ENT sent me for more tests last week...one where they had me lie back in a chair, with blacked out goggles on so I couldn't see while they administered water into my ears one at a time ( first warm, then room-tempurature, then cold) while they video taped my eyes and asked me questions to determine how cognizant I was... This test went HORRIBLY. They were about 20 seconds or so into...
Its strange how as a child our fathers don't seem to be that bright, often my father told me "The older you get the smarter I get."...I pondered that for most of my childhood, and then I had children and it went off like a light bulb, I understood what he was saying, and now I find myself telling my children the same thing.
If only we would listen to them when we are little, maybe things wouldn't be so hard when we grew up. The sad thing about it, is.....its not until after they are gone, that we realize just how smart they really were.
But as long as I hold him close in my heart, he will continue teaching me lessons, and I will continue to be greatful for ever one, just hope I'm smart enough to know when to listen. :)
For months I had a hard time dealing with my fathers death. It was very painful for me to have to deal with this.
But as time went on...ever so slowly...I would be in different situations and my fathers words would ring loudly in my ears, it was then that I began to see that he was still with me and that I still had so much to learn from him, and that I could learn from what he had been telling me, that just because he was no longer with, it didn't mean that I couldn't take all the things that he had told me and learn from his wisdom.
And so I did, and I begin to talk more of my father to my children, and yes I started a many sentences with..." When I was a young girl.." and then I would tell them the things that my father would tell me.
I remember one time when I had only gotten part of a conversation and I added my two cents, well because I had not gotten the whole conversation then my two cents was laughed at, and this hurt my feelings, I was talking to my dad about it, he looked at me and sorta laughed, and his then said, "you learn more with your mouth shut, then what you do if your talking," well this didn't set with me to well and I begin to cry and tell him how unfair that was and how he didn't care about my feelings, he put his arms around me and said it again, and quietly left the room. It wasn't until a few days later that I understood what he said, and from that moment on, I learned that I learn more with my mouth shut then what I do when I talk.
Even now as I tell that story I can hear his words, and now the story brings a smile to my face. Once again, he is living on, even today.
After I grew up and realized all of this, that is when we became close, at that moment that I realized just how much my father loved me and the rest of my family. I vowed to myself that I would never take him for granite again, and that I would make sure that he knew just how greatful I was to have him as my father.
He was and still is my heart.
Its not just for the moment that my father is with me, he always will be, just as he was there for me when I was a little girl. Although he my not be here in person, he is here in the simple things, my father loved to feel the wind blowing across his face, he would be out in the fields and a big gust of wind would blow across and he would stop what he was doing, stand tall, face the wind take a deep breath and slowly let it out, after the wind would stop he would go back to what he was doing., when the wind blew again he would do it again. On day I ask him how come he did that. He looked down at me and smiled took a deep breath and told me, "When you feel the wind you know you are alive, the wind is like a big eraser, as it blows across the fields it takes away all the loose dirt and leaves behind the dirt that is fertile and moist, when I stand tall and breath in the wind it fills my lungs, and then as I slowly let my breath out with it goes all the problems that ain't worth me worrying about, and leaves behind the things that are the most important to me, like you and your bother and your mom." That has stayed with me all this time, those words touched me in a way that I cant explain. I moved from Alabama a couple of years ago and now live in North Carolina, and I live not to far from the beach, being this close to the beach most of the time the wind blows a nice breeze on most days, I find myself going outside and facing the wind and taking in as much of the wind as my lungs can hold, then slowly letting it all out, letting go of the things that ain't worth me worrying about and allows me to think more on the things that are important to me, my husband, my children, and my grand baby, and it reminds me that I am alive, but most of all....it reminds me that once again my father has shown himself to me, in the most simplest way, in the wind.