My father passed away in his sleep on Sunday, February 22, 2009. He passed away on what would have been my parent's 56th wedding anniversary. He had just been diagnosed with a "narrowed aortic valve" 2 days earlier; he decided not to have surgery to fix it. He suffered for the last 13 years with Epilepsy and Parkinson's brought on by a major stroke. My mother passed away on March 8th, 2008, and it's been a very rough year for me. I woke up today and just felt . . . numb. I just feel like there's this storm of activity going on all around me, and I'm in the center of the hurricane, and everything is very still. I still feel like it's really not over yet, mainly because I'm not sure if there's still bills to pay that my brother and I don't know about. Thankfully Dad had extra $$ in his bank account to cover his expenses, but I'm still worried there may be more $$ to pay off something else, and I'm tired of spending money out of my rapidly dwindling savings account. *sigh* I'm just so tired of grieving, and just want to get on with my life! It doesn't make it easier that the job I've been working at for a year now as a "Contract Employee" may or may not be here in the near future - I'm so tired of this f-ing crap economy!! I have had no health insurance for over a year now, and it really sucks. I was laid off from my prior job of almost 5 years back in January of 2008, and I just want to land somewhere and not have any more STRESS! My health is finally back to somewhat-normal (my thyroid decided to quit on me last year, too and gave me Chronic Fatigue - it was HELL), and I just want to finally start LIVING again. I just really want to focus on finding a significant other/spouse/life partner/husband, but am just so frustrated about not having the $$ to be able to do activities that will help me to meet new men. Being 42 and single sucks. At least I don't have kids; that would be even worse, I think. (I've never wanted kids; just don't have the "Mommy Gene") So, I'm just looking for support on this site - I belong to Motherless Daughters, and it (and this site) has been a godsend.
Thanks for listening.
Thanks for listening.
Posts You May Be Interested In
A friend sent this to me..As far as I can see, grief will never truly end.It may become softer overtime, more gentleand some days will feel sharp.But grief will last as long as Love does - ForeverIt's simply the way the absence of your loved onemanifests in your heart. A deep longing accompaniedby the deepest Love some days. The heavy fog mayreturn and the next day, it may recede.Once again, it's...
Today is my 25th birthday, to my somewhat lack of surprise I can see already no one really seems to care. I've always been the kinda person to make sure that everyone I Care about feels appreciated and knew somebody had their back. I can count 4 times this year when I Went out of my way to make sure a "friend" felt good on their birthday, especially if they got left hanging. Its early in the...