A turtle is going down a road when he is robbed by four snails. After recovering his wits, he decides to report it to the police. "Can you give me a description the snails who robbed you?" asked the police officer. "Not really," replied the turtle. "You see, it all happened so fast."
A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street. "But officer," the man began, "I can explain." "Just be quiet," snapped the officer. "I'm going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back." "But, officer, I just wanted to say,..." "And I said to keep quiet! You're going to jail!" A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, "Lucky for you that the chief's at his daughter's wedding. He'll be in a good mood when he gets back." "Don't count on it," answered the fellow in the cell. "I'm the groom."
Rosanne a beautiful young foreigner walked into a small clothing store in the mall with her english speaking fiance. “Excuse me,” said her fiance with just a touch of an accent, “would it be ok with you if my Fiancee tried on the dress in the window?” “Listen” said the owner after just a brief pause, “business has been slow here for a while now, if you’re fine with her changing in the window, let her go on ahead, maybe it will bring in a few customers.”
Becky was 73 and just got her first computer. After her son spent over 2 hours teaching her how to use it, she was sure she knew everything there was to know about computers. Unfortunately though, one day she couldn’t get it to start so she promptly called an IT guy to come over and take a look at it. The IT guy managed to fix the issue in a few minutes and was on his way. Becky was proud when she overheard the IT guy on the phone with his boss telling him about the issue, she was sure it meant it was a serious issue and she was sure she took care of it the right way. “Excuse me if you don’t mind me asking,” asked Becky to the man on his way out. “I couldn’t help overhearing you on the phone with your boss. What exactly is an Id ten T problem? Just so I can tell my son.” The man smiled, took out a pen, “it stands for this: I-D -1-0-T”.
Doctor, Doctor, I keep thinking I'm a telephone. Well, take these pills and if you don't get any better give me a ring.
I will be celebrating a year of being smoke free in 3 days. I have also been vape free for 2 months. I stopped smoking by vaping and steadily decreasing the mg of nicotine every week. I had smoked for 9 years and just realised that I didnt like it anymore. I got a huge hangover one day after celebrating getting a promotion at work and consquently couldn't eat, drink or smoke a cigarette the next...
Gee 6 yrs on the 17th smoke free and I forgot.