I'm always the person who wears the happy face. I always look my best and put it all together for everyone who sees me. I wouldn't dare let them know I'm falling apart. Even when I go to my support group, they look to me for support because they think I've got it all together. I'm having a really bad week, a really bad one. My family acts as if my mama is even really sick. I have cousins who live next door that never even stop by to say hello - that haven't seen her in a year except passing by at church when she can manage to go occassionally. And even then they don't go out of their way to speak to her. The pastor, assoc pastor, nor the deacons visit her at all. Her sunday school class does send cards often. My brother lives 1/2 hour away and only sees her once every month or two. He's not involved. My ex-stepfather (my Dad) helps out a lot, he's here once or twice a week and is always asking what he can do. I have 2 aunts that are both very helpful - to Mama. One of them is helpful to me. She's the ONLY person in this whole family who realizes how tough this is on me. I have to take care of this household and my Mama and everything that goes along with her (meds, hospital bills, medicare, medicaid, oxygen, her depression and anxiety... her depending on me for everything). My mama has a hard time if I leave and stay gone for more than a couple of hours. She just becomes anxious that I'm not here. It makes it difficult to have a life. She tells me to go out and do things but she really wants me to stay here where she knows I'm safe and with her. I'm bipolar and on disability for that so I'm here with her all day every day except when I'm gone to my depression and anger management support groups on Mon/Thurs. Other than that she doesn't want me to go out much or else she has anxiety. I'm missing having a life but I owe her. And I don't want to upset her... I guess I'm just feeling negative today and need some positive words from someone who is seeing things that way.... down in the dumps, Tina
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