Conduct Disorder Support Group

Conduct Disorder is a pattern of repetitive behavior where the rights of others or the social norms are violated. Possible symptoms are over aggressive behavior, bullying, physical aggression, cruel behavior toward people and pets, destructive behavior, lying, truancy, vandalism and stealing. After the age of 18, a conduct disorder may develop into antisocial personality...

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Children's Mental Health
/ Conduct Disorder Support Group

at a loss of what to do with my 4 yr old son HELP!

deleted_user
deleted_user
I have a 4 1/2 year old son who is very aggressive. I am going to list some of the things he does:

*Hits,punches,bites, scratches, kicks, pushes me (mom) and his (dad SOMETIMES).

*He will tell me or his dad that he wants to kill us or say " just kill me"

* He goes into rages, he will scratch his nails into my arms and get so mad he shakes and scream. He does this when he does not get his way. Tonight he totally freaked out because I would not take him to the store to buy a toy.

These rages last for up to an hour of hitting ect. When he finally calms down i can talk and he understand what he did was wrong but will do it again the next min. He really worries me. I am scared for him as he gets older. I am really at a loss. I dont know where he came up with the i'm going to kill you or the just kill me.

He also has some other things that worry me. Every time i try and get him dressed he freaks out. He will only wear certain shorts. he says all of them are to tight also his shoes and socks are to tight he says they hurt. He will throw himself down and scream owe owe owe. I thought maybe if i took him shopping and let him pick out his own stuff he would maybe wear it. NOPE! NOTHING. The stuff is not to tight at all. I dont know what his issue is.

also another thing wierd is whenever we are walking and a car drives by he stops and puts his hands on his ears he does that when he flushes the toilet or when the bath is running. basically at any loud noise. I dont know why he does it. I dont think that is normal.

The reason i listed all of this is because i dont know if they are signs of something or what. I am also wondering what kind of doctor to take him to. I just cant take another day of battle with him. My arms and back are sore from being punched and scratched. I love him so much and just want my little boy back.
If anyone knows what kind of doc i should see or any info please let me know.

Thank you
deleted_user
deleted_user
I would probably chat to my family doctor, he can ask all the right questions, and reassure you, refer you, whatever you need. I assume you have discipline strategies in place, you are giving a cuddle and all the ordinary stuff...and wondering why you are getting all this return? Hang in there, there is an answer...and it is your job to find it (one of the great things 'they' don't tell you about being a parent!). Maybe choose a few things that are not negotiable, swearing at you, hurting each other, and separate him when this happens and calmly stick to it? I tried that and my son kicked a hole in the wall, so I can't gaurantee that works...

Good Luck, may the force be with you, I'll be thinking of you.

jen
deleted_user
deleted_user
that is just how my step son was at that age and he has been to dr.'s from kindergarten to now grade 4 and was just recently diagnosed with conduct disorder. One thing I wish I did more was be more persistant with the dr.'s and counsillors. If you feel something isn't right and it sends off an alarm to you don't let a dr. or anyone else try to patronize it or downplay it... as a mother you know that something is wrong. That was my biggest mistake was to let people say "no that's not weird" when I knew it was and low and behold these things WERE symptoms of the disorder I just needed someone to LISTEN to me. I understand everything you are describing and I will tell you that the sooner you get the help the better because it can be a LONG LONG process. You want to get help for this before he gets too big and definately before his teens when it just plain gets scary. Don't let anyone make you feel like you are a bad parent. It is very frustrating when my son freaks out in a store and it doesn't stop. I can give a time out in a store (yea right), I can be forceful, I can deny something... doesn't matter and parents look at you like you have a spoiled child or something... you don't. You have a mentally ill child and you are doing the best you can. I know your son is only 4 but get him to a specialist ASAP and check out this site and see if anything rings familiar (keeping in mind he is only 4)http://www.aacap.org/cs/root/facts_for_families/conduct_disorder
deleted_user
deleted_user
http://www.aacap.org/cs/root/facts_for_families/conduct_disorder

hope that works
deleted_user
deleted_user
I can not, for the life of me remember the name of the disorder, but the clothes and holding his ears and outbursts sounds like something I read once. I would print out what you have written and go to a child psychologist and let that doctor read what you have written. I wish you nothing but the best!
deleted_user
deleted_user
without knowing more about what else he does. It sounds that he might have sensory issues with the clothing and high function autism. An occupation therapist would be the route for the clothing things. And a Pediatric Psychologist for the behavioral issues. You need to start now before it gets totally out of hand.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Take him to your Pediatrican or family doc. They can rule out some things and put you in the right direction for referrals. My son has similar tantrums as you described and is being evaluated for Bipolar or possible ADHD. Good luck.
Eloise
Eloise
I also think he has a sensory disorder and possibly autism. He might also be ADHD and have ODD (oppostional defiance disorder). He sounds exactly like my son at that age. I do know what you are going through and I feel for you. His behavior is not normal and he needs to be evaluated by a qualified professional--probably a well-seasoned psychologist or a child psychiatrist. I wish you much luck! You're in my prayers. Stay strong.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I read your description of your son, and thought you were talking about mine. My son is 5 and a half now, and is being treated at school for "behavior misconduct". He has SEIT services and once a week counseling at his school, but its not enough.
The worst part is that my husband and I are divided in the way we approach this,
I too am at my wits end.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Hi Brandy, I can definitely sympathize with the rages. I have not seen any issues with loud noises, this may be due to something else. I have also had the issues with clothing. He will say clothes are too small simply because he doesn't want to wear them but the problem is he has a school uniform so I can't allow him to wear what he wants. Just tonight it took me over 2 hours just to get him to do his math worksheet homework. It was an awful emotional melt down.
sarah1854
sarah1854
The syndrome that "luvinmomhood" is talking about Aspergers, and it REALLY does sound a lot like that! The loud noise dislike and the clothing issue is very common.
I'm fairly sure that CD and Aspergers do appear together quite a lot, so it might help to at least look into it?
Good luck.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I would suggest having an evaluation done with a MH/MR service your primary physican can make the referral. I have 2 children with a disability and can remember the frustration, pain, guilt, depression and confussion of not knowing why they acted certain ways. I think you are moving in the right direction by joining this support group. Alot of the things you speak about sound like a form of autism but if you go to a MH/MR service they should be able to help you determine his diagnosis and get in home services to help. Best of Luck, Hang in there you are doing a great job and you are a wonderful mom
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