ok...so last friday night...my dad noticed something was on my mind...(this was after i participated in day of silence which he didnt know bout)...ne ways...i was sittin outside nd he asked what was wrond nd i said i was just thinkin..nd he said bout what? and i just said stuff...so later when he was in his room i asked him if sometime during the weekend we could talk..nd he said we could talk now...nd asked what it was about...and i told him it was something important but didnt know how to tell him...so i gave him a letter i had written tellin him im gay, that i love him, look up to him, and dont want him to distance himself from me or have our close bond be messed up cuz of it nd stuff...ne ways...he read it nd then he sighed..not a normal sigh but the sigh u dont wanna hear...the one where u know somethin's wrong or they feel sumthin bad....nd then he just folded it up quickly gave it back to me and gave me the look...one that seemed like he was questioning whio i was or that he was disappointed or w/e nd it hurt...then he just turned away and went back to folding laundry nd ignored the fact that i just put myself out there tellin him im gay and ignored the fact that i was still standin there nd was obviously waitin...so i slowly stepped away nd within a cpl. mins. he shut the door nd went to sleep...just like that...i felt rejected by my own dad...sumthin i thought would never happen...so i just grabbed shoes...and left...just left the house nd kept walkin...didnt have ne intentions of goin back...nd i called friends...most of whom didnt answer right away...then my mom called me back after i left her a msg....she was at work but had a few mins to talk nd in the end convinced me to go back home....then later i talked to some friends who were worried bout me...but i was so shaken up at first...i think my body went into shock ... nd the cold air outside didnt help cuz my body shook non stop nd i started cryin which made me mad at myself cuz it made me feel like a whimp...but of course my friend said "you cant be a toughy all the time"...ne ways...i barely got ne sleep...nd over the weekend i layed low nd stayed in my room...just laying and sleeping nd laying nd sleeping...not eating...only a couple times like 3 or whatever...nd that was just cuz one of my good friends told me too , and so did my mom when i talked to them...but yea im still not really eating...not a priority to me right now...nd my dad is ignorin the fact that i told him...i know he needs time to digest it...but the fact that i got no reaction bugs me...i mean id rather him yell at me than ignore it...idk...it worries me...nd my emotions i think have turned to the mad side cuz its easier that way ... but yea basically it hurts...i put myself out there nd wham...it feels like i was left out in the cold...my dad nd i have kinda talked 2 times over the weekend...but not full convos...just a couple sentences and thats it...i hate this...i thought of this possibly happening but never thought it really would happen...nd it worries me because i dont know what's goin on in his head...there's no going back now...nd hopefully what comes next will be better than what is happenin now...cuz i love my dad nd idk what id do if he didnt accept it...so yea thats my vent...peace...
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