
Coming Out Support Group
This community is dedicated to the challenges that gay men and lesbian women face, both between the partners in a relationship and from other influences (family, society, etc.). Find support and talk to others who may be facing the same challenges, and share your experience.

deleted_user
i can remember the first time i admitted being gay to myself. its so funny now that i look back on it....
i was laying in bed asking God why i felt so confused, why guys turned me on, if it was just a phase, and if i was going to hell for being this was. then all of the sudden i got lost in my thought, completely forgetting i was speaking with God, and i just started saying "i am gay, i am gay" over and over again. until it felt natural. i felt better after that and a year later when i was 14 i told my mom. things got so much better after that. i started to find myself, and wasn't as confused, or sad. i didn't feel alone, like i was the only person in the world like that anymore.
what was your first time like?
i was laying in bed asking God why i felt so confused, why guys turned me on, if it was just a phase, and if i was going to hell for being this was. then all of the sudden i got lost in my thought, completely forgetting i was speaking with God, and i just started saying "i am gay, i am gay" over and over again. until it felt natural. i felt better after that and a year later when i was 14 i told my mom. things got so much better after that. i started to find myself, and wasn't as confused, or sad. i didn't feel alone, like i was the only person in the world like that anymore.
what was your first time like?
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i am glad that things worked out for you. it is good that you can be true to yourself. i hope that things contiune to work out for you,.
all i can say is that when i was getting tired of my family treating me like a girl i finnaly just snaped. i said mom i am not a girl and i never will be. and she, still to this day, is not accpeting of me. but i say i am who i am and i don't have to prove anything to anyone, except my love for amber, but that is different. well things are starting to work out, after i went to some woman clinics to prove to my mom that i have a swinger, yes i went to a womans clinic. well all i can say is that my family is fucked up.
well i know that is really not an anserw to your question about my first time, but in a way i still had to come out to my family and friends. but things are on there way to working out and i hope everyone else has a better time dealling with shit.
well
best of luck to all
jack
Love hugs and cookies
Bethy
And then my world suddenly and shockingly stopped for a moment...a moment that probably lasted another year.
Yes. I was confused. I didn't know what to make of my feelings at that point. I knew I wasn't simply a lesbian, b/c I truly loved my husband (including having sex with him). I wasn't so much worried and panicked that I might be gay--but I was suddenly worried and panicked that the feelings I was having meant I was unfaithful to my husband. I wanted to say, "no way, I am *not* gay!"--not b/c I thought anything was wrong with being gay--but because I thought that then I'd have license to be as close to my friend as I wanted, without anyone saying I was unfaithful. After all, if we are both women, and I am hetero, then there is nothing wrong with us being close, spending the night on a sleep over, etc.
I took the more difficult and more painful route for everyone though. I could not lie to myself and say that I had absolutely no sexual attraction at all for my friend. And my husband was feeling nervous about the relationship too, and I could not lie to him and tell him that he was just imagining things when, in fact, he wasn't 'just imagining' it. My husband and I had a lot of long talks that year. We were very honest with each other about how we felt about things.
He never told me that I needed to stop contact with the friend, and at first I did not stop contact, but I was very aware that I probably needed to treat her like I would treat any male friend that I cared about. Meaning, I needed to be honest with myself that the affair potential was there, and be aware of my boundaries. I felt scared because I had never had to do that before--I'd never needed any 'boundaries' with women b/c I'd never been attracted to them before. I felt like crying because I wondered if this was the end of my being close to anyone--male or female--other than my husband. I love my husband dearly, but need close friends too. And I wondered how I was going to manage the closeness if then I had to be afraid that it might be an "affair."
In the end my friend got pretty frustrated with me--but with some good reason. She knew that I wasn't getting close to her for some reason, and I wasn't 100% direct with her about my feelings for her. I did allude to my feelings, to which she responded, "So what? You are hetero!"
That did not make me feel like she was less of a threat to my marriage though. And it did not seem to be a very understanding thing to say.
And it was a bit difficult to argue with given that, at that time, I had had exactly one crush (on her) and absolutely no sex with women.
Since then, though, I've had some crushes on other women, and felt attracted to them, and so I feel confident that I'm bisexual. I've still never acted on those feelings, and do not want to. I actually cannot imagine meeting someone I'd love more than my husband (male or female)or that I'd want to be married to instead of him--the way in which he worked through this 'self-discovery' of mine with me just proved all the more to me that I chose right when I married him....