I have always known inside that I was a lesbian. But because of the way I was raised and the way society is I felt it was wrong. The first time I can remember an attraction to another girl was when I was 8 yrs. old. I grew up and I never dated till I was 19 yrs old. and it was boys I started dating. I married at 20 got divorced around 26/27. Dated men after divorce. But it never felt great. It was always like something was missing. Then when I was 30 my best friend helped me to realize that I needed to accept myself for who I was no matter what. And I started the coming out process. I am now 36 and I am out for the most part and pretty comfortable with who I am. But I have learned that it is and will be an on going process, maybe for life. I know some ppl do not understand why it is a big deal, coming out, why do you have to tell ppl. Well for me it is because I want to be comfortable and be me. I do not want to have to worry that I will say or do something to "give" myself away. I could not tell my mother face to face so I told her in a letter. But she already knew. I was living with her at the time. And she told me she did not want the "lifestyle" I was "choosing" in her home. So I left. And I have not spoken to my mother in over a year now. Why can't ppl realize it is not a choice and it is not a lifestyle. A lifestyle is a particular way you choose to live. We do not chose this. I have a little thing on my myspace that say "If God had wanted me different he would have created me different." Any how enough for now.
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