Everything seems like its hitting me hard right now. I just feel defeated, completely lost. As finals are coming up, the pressure is getting to me, as I'm doubting myself now more than ever. I'm so nervous for the theatre warm up that I have to run by myself tomorrow and this Philosophy paper. I'm so afraid of failing, that I am so tempted to just not do it, which is ironic because that would make me fail the paper. He gave us an example of an essay and was ranting and raving about how good it was and the essay is sick, now I'm totally doubting myself. I feel totally inadequate. Plus, next year I'm transferring to a university with an English major. That's making it all the worst because if I feel this amount of dread before one stupid paper, how will I be able to do English papers all of the time for my classes? This decision to pick the "right" college is driving me nuts and I have to decide by January, when I don't care for any of the colleges that I've toured. I have no clue what I want to do with my life in all honesty, all I know is that I want to help people, but I don't know in what field. I'm sick of pretending like everything's ok when it simply isn't. I'm so afraid of amounting to nothing. Sorry for blabbering, just needed to get that off my chest.
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