So, I broke up with my ex 4 months ago. He's an alcoholic and I'm trying not to be codependant. I haven't been in a relationship since. One of my really good friends came into town last weekend. He and I have been on and off since high school but circumstances have never given us a fair chance to try a real relationship. It's too bad because we probably would be a good match. But that's beside the point. I just think it's funny how I'm going along fine with my own life, plugging along, happy for the most part. And then he can fly in and totally turn my world upside down. I completely lost my sense of self and started basing my opinion of me on how he was treating me or how much attention he was paying to me. I got really depressed, thinking I'm just not pretty enough or funny enough or skinny enough for him. It's stupid because we had a good time and I can't place all these expectations on him, he lives on the otherside of the country with his own life and problems. Then he left and I moped around for 2 days all lonely and sad and obsessively thinking about him. I'm scared to get into a relationship because these are the kind of behaviors I don't want to repeat. They're so stupid and they make me miserable. I want my own identity. I want some friggin self esteem.
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