It sounds like your friend makes empty promises and as he's handing you that check he thinks that will make up for everything else. How long have you put into this relationship and do you feel its worth it any more? Give him an ultimatum and see what happens next. The decision is yours.

Hi tara, yup and yup, I have been there and done that too. Until we get sick and tired of being sick and tired we won't seek change. I say this kindly, because unless we are ready to go and mean it, we will be back.

Working on US is our best chance at change. We know the deal deep inside, but sometimes the devil we know seems better than the devil we don't know. In short, familiar is what keeps many of us stuck. Along with of course thinking somehow we just MAY change the person.
We cannot change someone else. We are truly powerless. We have to decide one day that we want more for our lives. And for me I had to accept that it would be painful, but it would not kill me. I would restore my peace and serenity and begin living again.

Get and read Codependent No More. It is a real eye-opener. I saw so much of myself in that book. And sometimes we have to fake it until we make it.

Here is to taking good care of YOU and I will pray for your strength. It takes time, but every baby step IS a step forward.
Blessings..
EllaBlue

how right you are ladyleo-hand over the check and i'll shut-up. Why though do I? The house is mine,i have issued ultimatums and he swears he stop, only to find he's sneaking it again. And to EllaBlue- I have read co-denpendency no more. EXCELLENT. I have learned so much from that and al-anon. ALOT of wise advise, please keep it coming and thanks.

I think maybe u feel stuck cuz of the financial end of it. Which is understandable. Maybe being alone is scarey. But are you feeling alone with him there anyway? Sometimes that could keep us hanging on,the uncertainty of the future and being alone. Is there any spark left? Or is it gone for good.
Something to think about...

if I want to be truthful about the situation, i feel somewhat stuck because of finances. His disability check certainly helps. But the shit of it is I can and have taken care of myself plenty. I still have 2 adult kids living home who go to college. My older son and his baby just moved out but i'm sure they'll be back. I live in NJ and the rents are crazy. I own my own home for 24 yrs now. I have been divorced from my ex (the father of my kids) for 8 yrs now and bought him out last year. Alone doesn't really bother me as I tend to like my own company and can always find plenty to occupy me. I think it's the "better the devil you know, than the devil you don't" I relly don't know. I always feel sorry for him in the end cause he's got no where to go and no close family. Me and my kids (and even my ex) have a very strong sense of family. I feel like i'm abandening him. I wish I could learn to think about me first. There is still spark but very little. I've lost so much respect and respecting who i'm with is a big issue for me. I don't see me ever getting that back. I can't respect an addict. He just lays around all day while I work. Don't get me wrong, he does do some things around the house, usually the yard, and alot of the cooking. But i can just as easily do these things myself. No, i really think it's this co-dependency thing. I'm gonna read that book again. Keep it coming, any thoughts are welcome. I'm also down today because i couldn't make my al-anon meeting tonight because it snowed earlier and now it's sleeting.