I am over 50 years old, ahve been abused, sexually, emotionall, mostly, but by no means allby men. My father used to attack me, and beat me up, when I was a teenager and when I was even an adult. I was always with smoothe-talkers, and always seeking affection, of course, from people, men who couldn't give it to me/ I FEEL LIKE I WAS BORN TO LOSE.In face when mom and sister told me about when I was born my sister said i was a "whoops" BABY!... iS'T SHE NICE? My mon said she had just abou 'had iT' WITH MY BROTHER AND SISTER WHEN i WAS BORN. i don't feel this was said out of malice, she was at the end of her life then. Now I find I have heart failure, pulmonary hypertension, and another asshole in my life who is on drugs, has lots of money and friends, is bi-sexual, extremely intelligent, and dosen't give a shit about me , except for a place to lay his head when hes drugged out or his other boyfriends and girlfriends. I WAS outrageously infatuated with him when I met him,wasn't thinking right, my best and most loyal girlfriend passed on at the age of 47. I was devestated. Then I met M. at a church dinner. He was always looking for a place to stay, it seemed. Well now all my friends are his, HES SO IRRESSIBLE, Htalks about me like a dog to everybody in town. Sometimes when he's here, the ex-friend who he started dating-and not telling me of course, started calling and acting like she owned him. Then the marrige talk. She has lots of money and I AM SURE HE DOSENT MIND SPENDING AS LITTLE AS HE CAN ON HER, sHE IS SMITTEN TOO. SEEMS EVERYBODY IS. s LONG AS IM DOWN, HE HAS DOSE NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT ME TALKING ABOUT HIM. THIS IS WHY HE PUTS A WEDGE BETWEEN ME AND OTHERS. YET when I leave him alone, he comes by. He even had me scared to death, me living alone with a heart condition. He would syand outside my door and just rattle the bags he carries, or just let me know hes outside and looki in the window then run down the street.or knock and then rundown the street.Right after I came out of the heart hospital. his girlfriend and boyfriend, especiall, tries to egg him on because he loves to instigate trouble. he has nothing else to do but think of ways I MIGHT GET BACK AT M. Well you would think I wouldn't be so crazy as to invite him n again. But this time I found my house keys on a seperate ring in his pants pocket, and my watch. One time I SAT on his watch in the dark trying to talk to him. it was in the coffee table. in the dark. the glasses broke. with all the money he spends going to NY WITH HIS BANK ACCOUNTS HE CAN'T BUT ANOTHER? tHEN HE SAID HE LOST THE BANK BOOK . I ASKED IF i COULD BORROW A FEW DOLLARS FROM HIM, HE ALWAYS SAYS NO.HE EATS MY FOOD AND STAYS HERE, WHY NOT? Because his BOYFRIEND, like I THINK I SAID INSTIGATES TROUBLE. HE EVEN SAID M. SAID HE WISHES I WAS DEAD. THIS HAUNTS ME BECAUSE I THINK HE REALLY MEANS IT. SO HE HAS MY KEYS HE COULD GIVE TO SOMEONE ELSE TO USE MY APT. FOR DRUGS WITHOUT MY KNOWING IT,or whatever they want. Now I am scared and don't know what to do. I feel like my life is finished. I feel like my spirit, body and mind are all up for grabs. Yes, I have asked my friends and asked for their advice when, Mr, Charismatic, goodlooking,smart crackhead and heroin user had taken away my friends, with his charm. I feel I have nothing to live for, because he has so much infuence on people. I FEEL SICK. I know in addition to his having bank accounts and stocks and money markets, he has defrauded the government and used the welfare and food stamp system, gettin 700.00 a month rooming houses to stay at. He seems to want me in a constant state of fear. So does his friends. I grieve, I cry, I don't know what to do. Someone have any advice? I"m not just dealing with one person/he will make up stories like I AM INTO DEVIL MORSHIP TO SCARE PEOPLE. I REMAIN ALONE AND DYING AND THE ANTISOCIAL PERSONALITY BOYFRIEND WHO WANTS NOTHING TO DO BUT SEE ME DOWN SO HE CAN GET MORE OF HIS MONEY FOR HIMSELF LIVES ON AND LAUGHS BECAUSE HE SAYS I ENJOY BEING ABUSED. GOD HELP ME PLEASE. THANK YOU.
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