This is very hard for me to do because I dont like for people to know that I feel the way I do because when I try yo explain it to someone it even sounds stupid to me but I cant help these feelings. I had to make my husband leave today because he back slid and started lying taking pills and stealing from my uncle whom I live with because in the past year I let my husband drain use. Then after everything was gone he just walked off. He has left me before for his addictions and every time I feel some how it was my fault, then I get angry at myself because I convince him to come back home only to have him in a few months repeat the same behavior. My children arent surprised by this anymore but I am concernd with the effect it is having on them and my daughter told me tonight that she felt offended and violated by his actions. He didnt just steal from my uncle he went through my daughters pocket book and stole a gift card from her and had went through her room too. This is not the first time this has happened either. What is wrong with me my baby is crying and telling me how she feels and my heart is breacking to see her so upset yet (God forgive me)I need him, the very thought of being without him makes my chest hurt and I cant catch my breath. I know how stupid and sick that sounds I just dont know how to stop this. This has been going on for 8 years and if my mother hadnt found out about what he did I probably would have handled it like always yelling and fingerpointing until I felt he understood that it was wrong and then no more would be said. I am starting to wonder if I am more than just codependant, maybe I am really twisted in the head. I just dont understand why I feel like its something I did . Please tell me something if any of you can.
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