Codependency Support Group

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why am i so defensive

deleted_user
deleted_user
My car is messy, i am messy. My husband HATES this about me. this am on the way to work I couldn't find something in my car and he says, "not to be a jerk, but if your car weren't so messy, maybe you could find things." I quickly reminded him that some of that mess was his. Neither were communicated in a nice way. And he is asking me why, why I immediately defer, blame him or at least point out the part he plays. Straight to defensive. I do this a lot and he is asking why? any suggestions?
deleted_user
deleted_user
ugg. you sound like me. i do that. critizim is okay with me as long as it is constructive and i have my own feelings of inadequacy so when it is pointed out to me unconstructively well.. a messy car knock isn't constructive and i would have bit back myself...but your are right, you shouldn't. that is my why, maybe your why is similar...?
mgs1
mgs1
I don't know... wouldn't it have been just as easy to say. "You are right - I am messy"... try and take statements or actions as neither good nor bad - they just are. (Non-duality) It takes two people to argue. Don't argue. You've already admitted you are messy.
Sometimes they say, the truth hurts and we try and belittle someone else because they have hurt our feelings. THere are so many more important things in life to worry over than being messy... really.
Stay strong and smile. Play the tape over in your mind with a different response and outcome. THe more you do that, the more it will be come habit and reality.
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