Codependency Support Group
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Last night, I was talking to the man that I've started seeing recently. We were talking about how everyone has skeletons in their closet and that we each wanted to tell the other things about our pasts. Then he began to tell me about an incident with his ex-wife that scared me a little.
It seems that she went out to a bar and got drunk while he was away. The results of her night out were photos on the internet of her pulling her top down and showing her boobs (with bra). She never told him about it, but he found out from a friend after the fact. She defended her actions, minimizing the event. They got into a fight, yelling, screaming... neither one listening to the other.
And then he told me that he grabbed her by the throat. This scared me. He said that he's never hit a woman. But he admitted that he has grabbed on a few occasions. He also said that his ex-wife walked into him once and fell down... but she accused him of knocking her down.
I've picked up on things he's said over the past few weeks that made me stop and think. He'll talk about how he thinks my STBX needs his "ass kicked". Or how when someone (even a stranger) aggravates him, he's going to confront them... and not in a very diplomatic way. I can see him being aggressive if provoked. But it's hard to know if that's just his Wyoming cowboy, school of hard knocks, ex-sailor way... or if I'm flirting with danger.
It seems that she went out to a bar and got drunk while he was away. The results of her night out were photos on the internet of her pulling her top down and showing her boobs (with bra). She never told him about it, but he found out from a friend after the fact. She defended her actions, minimizing the event. They got into a fight, yelling, screaming... neither one listening to the other.
And then he told me that he grabbed her by the throat. This scared me. He said that he's never hit a woman. But he admitted that he has grabbed on a few occasions. He also said that his ex-wife walked into him once and fell down... but she accused him of knocking her down.
I've picked up on things he's said over the past few weeks that made me stop and think. He'll talk about how he thinks my STBX needs his "ass kicked". Or how when someone (even a stranger) aggravates him, he's going to confront them... and not in a very diplomatic way. I can see him being aggressive if provoked. But it's hard to know if that's just his Wyoming cowboy, school of hard knocks, ex-sailor way... or if I'm flirting with danger.
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I have been here before, a long long time ago and now I am back.Forgive me for not just saying what I want to say,even under a triple dose of antidepressants it is still raw and seeping and I am hesitant at revealing it as at least under the bandages around my heart I don,t have to look at how raw and wounded.My child was cleaved from my heart by his own actions. my child of ten,turning eleven...
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Has anyone tried these supplements? Do they give MGers more quality of life by improving memory and overall well being?Thanks!Barbel
If your best friend were going out with this man what would you say to her about it? And then think about why the answer should be any different for you. (It shouldn't and I'm learning that too.)
same goes for sailors.
and my ex husband, whom i had arrested for shoving me, had a PhD from the school of hard knocks...the irish catholic brooklyn new york school of hard knocks---and believe me, that is a fine institution.
in my opinion, your new man is a bomb waiting to explode.
who was it on this site who said "if they tell you they are no good, LISTEN!"
i think you know the answer.
at this stage in the relationship there are no walls, no boundaries with what we tell the other. sometimes this is as close to intimacy as we can get.
then we throw sex into the mix and *boom* all of the sudden we are hooked.
proceed with caution and trust your feelings on this one.
may i ask what you shared with him?
Said with much caring..
EllaBlue
Afloat its funny that you mention if they tell you they are no good, LISTEN! because he has told me on more than one occasion that he thinks hes bad for me. As for what I shared with him I havent yet.
I thought I was being so careful this time. We talked for 2 months before we went on our first date. Hes been very patient, and the perfect gentleman. Weve gone on several dates over the last 6 weeks or so. Hes always kind, considerate, generous. I just get this feeling sometimes when he talks about things from his past times when he got angry and how he almost relives it.
Who was it that said red flags aint party favors? Im seeing them but I dont want to. I really like this guy. Hes everything my ex is not. My ex would never grab or even come close to hitting, he wouldnt yell at me or be belligerent, he didnt have anger issues, he didnt drink or even swear and yet he spent the last 9 years abusing me emotionally and financially.
Am I just trading one type of abuse for another?
let me tell you, you are trading one for the other and neither is good!
i joke that i married my father and now i'm dating my mother. but that is the truth. i see it now.
until we heal our core inner child issues we are destined to remain stuck.
blessings.