Hi all.. I figured I should start here and get some advice from people with similiar codependency issues. I will try and keep this as short as possible, but I have a lot bottle up so not sure how short this can turn out to be! When I was 22 (now Im 28), I married my highschool sweetheart. We dated on and off for 7 years. He was always the controlling type... and it got bad after we got married. I had to ask permission to shop, go out with friends, even talk on the phone. He acted all sweet in front of anyone but behind closed doors it was bad. Ever since I was little I was the shy girl.... so for him it was probably easy to mold into a person that would kiss the ground he walked on. I did counseling on my own when we first started having problems.. and the counselor brought up codependency. After a few sessions, he started seeing my attitude change and basically said if you see that counselor again, we are done. It freaked me out...so i dealt with his crap for about another year. Then we went to counseling together. Didnt work out so well..clearly! Well, after we got divorced I tried to do some soul searching.. read some co-dependency books..started feeling good again..and more positive about who I am. During that time, I got in touch with an old high school friend..who is now my boyfriend. I did not rush ANYTHING...literally anything with him. We were become best friends. 10 months later... started dating. I thought we did it all right. Well... today I am struggling. I am completely falling into my own ways of codependency..and actually even worse. Literally, I feel like Im going nuts in the head!! lol (which i might be!).. I cancel plans with any of my friends because I rather hang out with him. I rush off phone calls at home because I rather talk to him. I am destroying other relationships I have with people. I make sure the house is clean..dinner is made.. bills are paid...even if its not what i want to do. I do it in hopes that he thinks..well that im the best or something. Hes been laid off work for 6 weeks. I come home to a complete mess of the house. I have to buy food/ make dinner...and worry about how we are going to pay things when hes on unemployment. If he says, oh sorry I cant pay you our weekly rent/bills (budget plan)..and then i come home, and hes at the bar... I kinda start to freak..but I feel like I cant bring it up to him because 1..I dont want to start the drama. 2. I feel sympathetic cuz Im sure he completely bored and need to go out. I dont know how to stand my ground. Im pissed, but yet cant say anything. I feel so alone. Something set me off recently..not exactly sure which one of the above, but I feel like falling again..I need help again to try and over come this. I want to please him and make sure hes happy..but its kinda starting to hurt me that it never goes both ways anymore. Its all about giving...and never receiving..anymore. I want to know whats more effective.... a CoDa group (which is free..easy on the wallet) or do I go to counseling again? Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Sorry this is so long!!
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