Codependency Support Group

Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...

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When is enough enough?

deleted_user
deleted_user
My husband did not go to our counseling session on Saturday like he was suppose to because we had a falling out. I went anyway because I know that it needed to be done. I have lost a lot of respect for my husband because of all that he has put me through. I have not talked to him since Saturday ( we live apart) but I got a call last night from our therapist saying that he just had a session with my husband and wants us to come in together today. I am going but I have this feeling like "why is this time any different?". I have heard my husband tell me time and time again that he will change and nothing happens. When is enough enough? I don't know if I should keep trying or just give up. My therapist told me something that hit me hard. "you are ONLY 28". And I am ONLY 28! I am so confused if I should give him another chance to try and work things out r do I just give up and look out for myself?

HELP!
deleted_user
deleted_user
We codependents always have a bad habit of taking on other peoples burdens and putting everything and everyone before ourselves. Your first priority needs to be to your emotional healing, happiness, and growth.
deleted_user
deleted_user
That is very true!!! Thank you. That is what I have a hard time with, letting go and doing more for me.
deleted_user
deleted_user
My neighbor told me..
"when you are lying in bed, and you can't come up with anymore what if's..if I..If he could.." Then you know it's over. You have exhausted all your options.
deleted_user
deleted_user
oy, vey! i think about this question often, when is enough, enough?
the answer is, when i stop asking the question.
that is what i beleive today anyway.
mgs1
mgs1
My therapist said to me...
"If you have to ask, you already know the answer you just don't like it and aren't strong enough to follow through" She said her job was to help me gain the strength to do what I should ahve long time ago.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I agree. I dont have the strength yet and I dont know how I got to this point. It saddens me so much. I am not the same person I was 2 years ago. But then I wonder, was I even really strong then that I let it get to this point with the first man I let into my life after being single for over a year? I dont even know who I am anymore.
deleted_user
deleted_user
i'm in the same place, going to counseling, finally stopped trying to fix him. I think you should just fix you, work on you, and if the byproduct of a healthier, more secure you is no him, then so be it. YOu'll be okay with that. You, focus on you.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I agree with trying to fix me. I know that I need to do that but how is it done when I cant afford counseling anymore and I dont believe in myself anymore. I am so scared. I would love nothing more than to go to a Coda meeting but there is none around here.
jimmysquirrel
jimmysquirrel
well, you might be able to go to an Alanon meeting instead, because one of their main things is tackling codependency
mgs1
mgs1
My therapist recommended a book to me - the title can be a bit misleading.. "How to be an adult" It taught me what feelings were approriate in a relationship and how my actions or reactions were contributing to issues I had. Basically it helped me be a better partner in relationsips and to set appropriate boundaries. This book changed my life. You may want to check it out.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Thank you Jimmy and MSG1. I will take you both up on that advice.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I can relate to what you are going through. I have just left my husband. He has said over and over again, how sorry he is for things he does to cause me pain. But nothing ever changes. I heard Dr. Phill the other day say:If you step on my foot and it hurts, I can forgive you when you get off and the pain stops. But if you just keep stomping on my foot over and over again, the pain won't stop. This made alot of since to me.
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