At this point in time in my life I am the loneliest that I've ever been. I work full time and go to school full time... The only people that call me anymore is my mother and my brother. I still have friends but they don't call anymore because they know that I am so busy that I can't or won't go do anything. I was on and off again with my ex and after 3 years off emotional turmoil and another recent separation between us, I finally put an end to things... AGAIN... But after everything that I've been through, the depression, the lonelyness, the feelings of being unwanted and unloved, I somehow find myself feeling better. Little by little I find myself catching a glimpse of the light at the end of the tunnel. Maybe it's becasue I'm almost done with school, or fet-up with giving and not recieveing, or just overall F#@%ing tired of being sad, lonely, and depressed. All I know is that somedays are better than others and sometimes I fall back into that hole but it doesn't seem as deep anymore and it's getting easier and easier to get back up. Only time will tell what my future holds, but every now and then I have a new sense of optimism, and for those brief moments... I feel like there's hope for me yet and for everyone else out there that's been where I was and doing their best to make it out of that dark side of their life.
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I have been here before, a long long time ago and now I am back.Forgive me for not just saying what I want to say,even under a triple dose of antidepressants it is still raw and seeping and I am hesitant at revealing it as at least under the bandages around my heart I don,t have to look at how raw and wounded.My child was cleaved from my heart by his own actions. my child of ten,turning eleven...
theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??