Hi everyone my name is Dee. I am a curious person to know why sometimes I feel stuck in my life in my situations. I am a survivor of an abusive marriage in the past. I have been healing now for 3 years. I was with my abuser for 4 years. We were married and right after we got married he started abusing me like he owned me. Now before we got married occasionally he would be nasty with me, but not as bad as he was after we got married. The reason I decided to leave was because I did not want to put up with the abuse anymore and he almost killed me. He choked me until I passed out. That was scary. I came to and left and lived in a women's shelter for 3 months. After I received some counseling I moved home with my parents. I lived with them for about 2 years because I was so afraid of being on my own that he would come and find me. However, I met this guy who I eventually started to fall in love with. We will call him my dream man. We met like after I was in the shelter for a month. He was really nice to me and of course I was till not at all comfortable at first. My dream man understood about my situtain after I told him. We ended up getting together and fallin in love with each other. We were together a year and half. Quite a few times he asked me to move in with him but I was to scared to. So I would not do it. Our relationship was a long distance one for along time. In the mean time he had a baby with another girl that was a one nighter before he met me. He ended up getting full custody of the baby when he was 2 months old. I ended up falling in love with his baby and loving him like he was my own. Now after some time I for some reason thought our relationship was not going anywhere..so I ended it. I met the guy that I am with now and we will call him my fiance. Now after a few months of being with my fiance I started to miss the baby and my dream man. I dreamed of him everynight and still do. Currently, we still talk and I have seen the baby a few times and my fiance knows this and he does not like it. I have said before in the past that maybe my fiance is not the one for me and if I am still thinking of the other guy. I get all frustrated because I do not know how to deal with my feelings being this way. I have my pros and cons for the both of them and I know that my fiance loves me and my dream man does too. Except the fact that my dream man always loves to work and i couldn't deal with him not being around all the time. It would make me think crazy stuff all the time that he was cheating on me. Except I knew he was at work because sometimes he would take me with him. How do I get passed this and move on so that I am not depressed all the time because I am so confused about the love in my life and besides that I am still skeptical that one of them is going to turn out to be a real jerk in the end and hurt me. The thing is you do not know and the only way to know is by being around them. Then I am always thinking what if I chooose and its the wrong man. What do I do? Any suggestions?
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