
Codependency Support Group
Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...

deleted_user
Why am I always apologizing? Why am I always willing to take the blame even if the fault does not lie with me (or the other person either)?
I am so tired. Tired of the struggle. Tired of fighting. Nothing (no matter how hard I try to succeed) changes. Its just the continual cycle of fear. Fear generated by my own past.
How can I dispell the fear? How can I separate my pain from another's? I do not like who I am anymore. I lay awake in the darkness and I ask Divine not to let me go through all this again. But I did. I sunk deep into that black pit and I lost 2 things that meant the world to me..(aside from my babies).
"Please dont let me do this" I would ask. Inevitably, I knew I had to because everything happens for a reason even if we arent aware of what it is at the time.
I know I have to still go through this so that I may inevitably help others by sharing my own experiences, but at the same time my heart is breaking, not just because of what Im going through but for those who still must endure.
I see the look in his eyes when he speaks of his abuse. I hear the pain and anger in his voice when he relays the tales of what his father did to his mother and him as a child. Yet he tells me he's dealt with it. Sorry, I do not believe him. No one can be that angry if they have worked through it.
Anger that he tells me doesnt exist.
I want to be able to trust him beyond all measure and in some ways I do. I dont feel I trust him enough to tell him all this what I say here. I would like to be able to talk to him without him being judgemental and critical of me. But because we are so immeshed...that isnt going to happen. I know I let him down. I know I failed him when he needed me most. But he should also realize that while he kept pushing me to make his dream a reality, mine were being neglected. I know I shouldnt be so torn up but it grieves me to know that I have let him down, disappointed him, and failed him.
Last night I was having chest pains during our argument. He only said are you ok now after I had had calmed myself down..no easy task there. All he did was sit there. I guess my stress level being so high to cause chest pains doesnt matter.
I hate this. I hate feeling so useless. I feel like a pressure cooker left unattended and about to blow its lid. I used to feel so sure of myself, confident, strong..now I feel as though I were falling apart.
I dont understand how I allowed myself to become so doubtful.
I am so tired. Tired of the struggle. Tired of fighting. Nothing (no matter how hard I try to succeed) changes. Its just the continual cycle of fear. Fear generated by my own past.
How can I dispell the fear? How can I separate my pain from another's? I do not like who I am anymore. I lay awake in the darkness and I ask Divine not to let me go through all this again. But I did. I sunk deep into that black pit and I lost 2 things that meant the world to me..(aside from my babies).
"Please dont let me do this" I would ask. Inevitably, I knew I had to because everything happens for a reason even if we arent aware of what it is at the time.
I know I have to still go through this so that I may inevitably help others by sharing my own experiences, but at the same time my heart is breaking, not just because of what Im going through but for those who still must endure.
I see the look in his eyes when he speaks of his abuse. I hear the pain and anger in his voice when he relays the tales of what his father did to his mother and him as a child. Yet he tells me he's dealt with it. Sorry, I do not believe him. No one can be that angry if they have worked through it.
Anger that he tells me doesnt exist.
I want to be able to trust him beyond all measure and in some ways I do. I dont feel I trust him enough to tell him all this what I say here. I would like to be able to talk to him without him being judgemental and critical of me. But because we are so immeshed...that isnt going to happen. I know I let him down. I know I failed him when he needed me most. But he should also realize that while he kept pushing me to make his dream a reality, mine were being neglected. I know I shouldnt be so torn up but it grieves me to know that I have let him down, disappointed him, and failed him.
Last night I was having chest pains during our argument. He only said are you ok now after I had had calmed myself down..no easy task there. All he did was sit there. I guess my stress level being so high to cause chest pains doesnt matter.
I hate this. I hate feeling so useless. I feel like a pressure cooker left unattended and about to blow its lid. I used to feel so sure of myself, confident, strong..now I feel as though I were falling apart.
I dont understand how I allowed myself to become so doubtful.

deleted_user
Glad you posted. Sounds like a lot of unpleasant stuff all at one time. I am working my way out of enmeshment by putting my past thoughts and feelings with my memories of child/teen years. It brings clarity to the present. There are times that I feel as though I am falling apart, and my therapist says it is the child part of me. So I keep doing the emotional stuff from past to get it out of my system. Its working.

deleted_user
Its so odd, I was feeling ok about stuff until welfare placed me at a local dv shelter as a work site to work off my grant...welcome to my world..everything usually happens all at once.

deleted_user
Hi, Sorry that you are having a painful time. What is a dv shelter?

deleted_user
DV Shelter= Domestic Violence Shelter. I work in the Non Residential Office..

deleted_user
I see. Why do you think it triggered you to become upset?

deleted_user
To be sure I really do not know. I supposed hearing the court advocates talk about the cases they're working on. Some of them reminded me of what I went through (albeit without the drama of restraining and protection orders) but still...Guess the cases triggered my memories which I am still working through...nothing is worked out overnight....

deleted_user
That makes sense to me. I'm a believer in putting past feeling with the past experience. It keeps the present fresh and new.

deleted_user
im sorry u r going thru such a difficult time w/ many troubles if it at all helps iam in a similar situation and dont know what to do w/ myself.

deleted_user
The person that loves you will support you in your dreams and endeavors. You have every right to have your needs met.

deleted_user
Thank you Faith..I believe that...doesnt mean its happening.
Join the Conversation
Posts You May Be Interested In
-
theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??
-
I'm trying to exercise daily. I was doing fairly well until I sprained my ankle 2 weeks ago but now I'm getting back on the horse. Today I walked over a mile with my arm weights that are about 22lbs total. I was out of shape and it was hard on my arms. I also did my 30 situps. I'm also going to drink a lot of water and try to eat healthy. I do tend to have a sweet tooth but I'm cutting...