
Codependency Support Group
Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...

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I am a people pleaser to the nth degree it seems. I will tolerate just about anything as long as there is no physical violence I seem to be "able to handle it." Nevermind that I take it out on myself. I had help for being annorexic when I was younger and I learned that I carry my anger in my stomach and that I am full of anger. I'm kinda rambling because I am feeling very angry and mixed up at this very moment. I married a man who I believed was something very different than he wound up being. He's not physically abusive, but he is frequently telling me I am stupid. And a part of me believes him. I work my full work week, but I can't even get him to work 40 hours a week regularly, which means any extra money I might spend on me has to pay the bills. I mean if you don't pay the water it gets turned off and you need water right? Or is that just another stupid justification of something? I can't even tell right now. I just feel like crying. Or better yet, getting in my car and driving until I am far, far away. I hate my job. I am working to change that but it's hard to focus when I feel like I do right now. I'm not sure what I expect here. I guess I just want someone to understand and say it will be okay, but I'm not sure I believe that anymore. The holidays are coming up and they are hell for me. My husband and my mother do not get along. Personally I think it is because they are competing for my affection and attention, which ultimately means doing whatever they want and that is obviously in contradiction with each other. I really just want the pain to end. As I drove in I envisioned my car on the path of a train track getting smashed with me in it and it brought such a sense of relief to me. No I'm not really suicidal, but a part of me longs for this world to be over I don't deny it. I'm just so tired. And this is the first time I've ever told anyone that. Wow. I guess I have a lot further to go than I should. Now if I can only find out where to start.
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I'm trying to exercise daily. I was doing fairly well until I sprained my ankle 2 weeks ago but now I'm getting back on the horse. Today I walked over a mile with my arm weights that are about 22lbs total. I was out of shape and it was hard on my arms. I also did my 30 situps. I'm also going to drink a lot of water and try to eat healthy. I do tend to have a sweet tooth but I'm cutting...
reading some books and getting some information about improving your self-esteem.
also, medication maybe to cope with depression.
it's easy to dump all our concerns on another as "their" fault (and some of this is) but you must address while you are still in the relationship before you can be healed and whole.
blessings!
First: no one, especially your spouse should put you down like that! (I will never let that happen to me ever again).
Two: things will get better! But... you have to get there yourself. It will seem like an almost impossible journey. But by being here on this site, and talking is a major step in the right direction. Keep going. Read the reply from Afloat.. it is very good advice (I have been reading and soaking up as much as I can. I have learned alot in the past little while).
Three: no matter how bad or worthless you feel you MUST tell yourself that you are worth it!!
four: In order to do this you have to be downright honest with yourself. If you have done things in your life that you regret, then examine them, and remember that you cannot change the past, and what is done is done. Learn what you can from it, and then stop beating yourself up for it. (I do this on a daily basis. It was difficult at first, but it is getting easier by the day).
Things can be alot better once you realize where all of this is coming from.
And finally - don't stop now, you are on the right path. Keep in touch with all of the people here. You will find there is alot if information, advice, and SUPPORT here.
(I get a little long winded at times).
"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference...