I have been terribly codependent on my husband for the past 23 years we have been dating/married. My husband decided he wanted a divorce a year ago and filed finally in late June of this year (it is now on hold), and I moved out because I hurt too bad to even see him at all. He had an affair with a lady from work for 2 months after I left but realized that was a rebound situation and quit seeing her, but it still made matters even worse for me. All these years I stifled him from moving up in his job (he's a mechanical engineer) and after a while didn't want him to even hang out with his friends because I wanted all of his time focused on ME. In the past 1-1/2 months we have been seeing each other quite often and still love each other, but he won't commit to trying to work on our marriage. I always wanted him to be glued to the hip with me to take the focus away from the real problem--ME! I don't have any confidence in myself right now, even though I am living alone and don't have too many friends. I'm just miserable being alone. I keep calling him often and bugging him because of my anxiety issues, looking for reassurance from him that I don't get at this point because we are both so messed up. Wish I could stop being impulsive and need to know how to not pick up the phone so much, even when he is at work. It makes me feel even worse about myself, but can't stop! I so want to try marriage counseling, but husband says we will probably end up getting divorced anyways because we are both so messed up (he is in CODA and knows he had a part in this relationship demise too). I just can't be happy in life--that is the bottom line. I don't know how because I haven't for so long. Our 2 grown kids think we are sick for seeing each other again. Wish I could see life as worth living. I'm so messed up! Going to counseling but not making much headway.