Codependency Support Group
Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...
This is how i truley and honestly feel in all areas of my life! Its funny, cus i always put things off for tommorrw, and i never get things done! im even scared of opening my post sometimes.
Even if i accomplish small tasks, most of the time it is linked to someone else, and how they would perceive me if completed well!! y is it neva about me!1 its like im not even here really... and ive got string attatched from friends, family, boyfriend and im being controlled by all of them. I described to my therapist im stuck in cement!!! cus thats how i feel and i dont know if this will eva change. i have to book another session with Ron, my therapist, but im scared cus im gona be looking at myself, wat will i discover. i dont even know how to let go of my boyfriend cus i know its not going anywhere! i mean for gods sake Pam wake up.. i wish i cud shake myself back to life!! he broke up for two days and he met someone a girl ,and had sex already, so basically he cheated on her and me. so this is so screwed, but yet i remain in this stupid cycle..... ive started askimg him losts of questions, but dont actually get many answers... like does love feel like to u, wat makes u love me, he says i dont know!! how can u not know wot u love about someone! i mean im looking for the answers myself... also this other girl called Natalie! i dont know how to feel cus shes already sayin to him that if me and bob get bak together she will be devasted!! but hang on, me and bob have been together for like 7 months - and with her was only two days. i dont understand its like hes had sex with her, after breaking up with me.. but u have feelings for someone and u just dont do that... did he think he wud get over me and forget me by having sex with this girl he hardly knew, knowing that we cud get bak together, and know hes ssaying he confused. but i need a plan of action, if only my need for love was not so strong. i do need to break away but i dont think i can do it, cus i like being around him.... i still cant believe he had sex with her, and then me.. and im still sticking around... am i mad or what... is it learned from put up with it cus u have no choice as a kid. is that wot my parents taught me, they neva taught me or helped me be an individual... so im screwed... proper...
Even if i accomplish small tasks, most of the time it is linked to someone else, and how they would perceive me if completed well!! y is it neva about me!1 its like im not even here really... and ive got string attatched from friends, family, boyfriend and im being controlled by all of them. I described to my therapist im stuck in cement!!! cus thats how i feel and i dont know if this will eva change. i have to book another session with Ron, my therapist, but im scared cus im gona be looking at myself, wat will i discover. i dont even know how to let go of my boyfriend cus i know its not going anywhere! i mean for gods sake Pam wake up.. i wish i cud shake myself back to life!! he broke up for two days and he met someone a girl ,and had sex already, so basically he cheated on her and me. so this is so screwed, but yet i remain in this stupid cycle..... ive started askimg him losts of questions, but dont actually get many answers... like does love feel like to u, wat makes u love me, he says i dont know!! how can u not know wot u love about someone! i mean im looking for the answers myself... also this other girl called Natalie! i dont know how to feel cus shes already sayin to him that if me and bob get bak together she will be devasted!! but hang on, me and bob have been together for like 7 months - and with her was only two days. i dont understand its like hes had sex with her, after breaking up with me.. but u have feelings for someone and u just dont do that... did he think he wud get over me and forget me by having sex with this girl he hardly knew, knowing that we cud get bak together, and know hes ssaying he confused. but i need a plan of action, if only my need for love was not so strong. i do need to break away but i dont think i can do it, cus i like being around him.... i still cant believe he had sex with her, and then me.. and im still sticking around... am i mad or what... is it learned from put up with it cus u have no choice as a kid. is that wot my parents taught me, they neva taught me or helped me be an individual... so im screwed... proper...
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I gave my 2 week notice last Friday 13th. Now to join you fine people in a life of leisure and nothing else to do but to look out for myself....is it just me or does that sound pretty boring? My goal was to live to retire and I guess having to take early retirement because of health reasons wasn't exactly the way I had planned things. I just can't stay in that building that is reeking mildew...
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Has anyone tried these supplements? Do they give MGers more quality of life by improving memory and overall well being?Thanks!Barbel
stop accepting this from this person - you are addicted to him not necessarily 'in love'. break away, stop communicating with him and give yourself time to heal and grown...revisit him then if you still want too.
you've had lots of posts up and i think we're all concerned for you...you need to do what is necessary for you and get some help...find a group of peeps that have or are going through similar struggles...
STOP IT!!!!
All you are doing is torturing yourself. You wanting to do all these things that have no consequence, becuase when it boils down to it, HE IS A DICK!
As for your parents not teaching you... well that is where it started, but now you are responsible for fixing it, because it is your life, not theirs, so deal with it, fix it, and if i hear one word about unfair... well, it will annoy me.
Because life is unfair, all we do is deal with what comes our way. So start dealing already!
And go to your therapist with all this stuff, and work on learning yourself so you don't fall into this trap again!
Here's your homework assignment:
http://www.joy2meu.com/
Let me know when you get to the part in the Codependence pages under PERSONAL BOUNDARIES that says: "When we look outside for self-definition and self-worth, we are giving power away and setting ourselves up to be victims."
Whether you know it or not, you are choosing to give away your power.
See, that victim thing... is actually all about US; WE make the choice 'to be or not to be' [a victim].
You need to stop and ask yourself WHY are you choosing to stay in this relationship?
What is it that makes you believe you cannot walk away from ANY man that puts not only your happiness but also your personal safety and health at risk?
WHO CARES what this guy thinks he is accomplishing by sleeping with this new chic... or what HIS issues are? It's no longer safe for YOU to be in this relationship; mentally, physically or emotionally.
Maybe your "need for love" is so strong because you haven't learned how to love yourself?
It's not going to stop until you grab the bull by the horns and ride it. It's your life and you have to lead it. You need to take a chance on you for once. It's scary as hell, but when you see the sky doesn't fall you will feel better. Forget how he feels or she feels. How do YOU feel and what can YOU do to make YOU feel better?
i would add, that there is some "payoff" to continuing to live in misery and pain with this man.
it is doing something for you regardless of how badly it makes you feel.
realizing WHY you are still tolerating this is a key
and, i would add,
we're all screwed. every single one of us on the planet is no better emotionally on any given day. that's the simple fact. that's the truth. you are not special or singled out or cursed.
you are codependent. so are millions and millions of others.
"pain is inevitable. suffering is optional."