I wish I knew why I keep thinking I am better. I have read every book, I go to therapy, I pray (not as much as I should). I send emails and text messages to my ex. I look up his Facebook page to see who he is "talking" to. I ask his adult Son what he is doing. I am jealous that he has seen women since our divorce. By, the way I am the one who got the divorce. He did not want it. The back story here is he cheated with escorts for nearly all of our 17 year marriage. All the while, when I would catch him and he would say "it's over I am done" I would eventually end up crying til I nearly threw up and beg him not to throw me away! OK we all know how sick and sad that is....My Father was married 9 times and was sexually abusive. My parents were both alcoholics. I am in recovery 18 years for Pot and nearly 15 for alcohol. I know we were both very damaged souls when we got together. I think we really love(d) each other but I had problems with intimacy after the first disclosure and he had problems with intimacy all his life. He did many wonderful things for me, he also nearly killed me........ When and how do you let go of relationships that are most likely toxic? And, is there really hope for me??
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