
Codependency Support Group
Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...
I don't know what I'm looking to find, message to a friend saying something about us or something. I'm acting really insecure, I'm stopping it now.
Talked with her a bit, I'm still fighting the funk a bit. She said I'm driving her batty with analyzing these things so much. I am, I'm driving myself nuts more then anything. OK, gona be strong and no more of this. Work issue is temporary, gonna get back on my feet and get to being me. I've gotten almost too domesticated the last year. I need to get back to some guy stuff. lol :-P
It's an old habit to some degree. Just have not been in a relationship I cared about in so long to have to deal with this. It's been about 10 years I'd say.
When she backs off I get paniced and down. Thats the funk I've talked about in the past. this pushes her away more and I try harder to be close it's a viscious circle I tell ya.
I'm doing personal therapy, but I'm not there with it yet. I'm told I have to love myself and such but I think I do. I'm just awfully emotional when I feel rejected. Been dealing with all this about a month or so. Fighting it, but don't see why things are not coming a round a little at this point.
She told me she is a patient person and is not giving me a timeframe of altimatum at all but she hopes I come back around soon. I feel like I'm this way because of how shes reacting to me now.
see the circle. jeez.
I'm almost tired of thinking about all this as much as I do, I'm analyzing everything and driving myself nuts too. :-(
checking her email is a compulsion, just like the need to take a drink.
you wouldn't tell a drunk to just "stop drinking" so be kind to yourself.
this is going to take time.
one day at a time.
each day you work it gets a bit easier the next day, then harder the next, then easier.
but, back to your issue:
we get enmeshed with someone when their feelings dictate ours....when we get in "funks" because of what THEY say or do.
so, first we have to learn to love ourselves and accept ourselves and then we aren't flopping like a flag everytime the wind blows....
we are steady. when we feel affected by someone else's stuff we take time out and determine why it is affecting us rather than just reacting (taking a drink, checking their email, screaming out at them).....we internalize the issue.
then we can calmly and within healthy boundaries respond. it takes honesty and a willingness to be vulnerable.....
" i know i'm wearing you out sometimes but i just need a little patience to get this sorted out within myself a gentle reminder that i am XXXXX again or some feedback from you always helps. i love you very much and that is why i am stepping out of my comfort zone and being vulnerable with you. handle me with care"
there is not a decent human being on the earth who cannot helped but feel loved and trusted (rather than manipulated and controlled) from that type of statement.
obviously she cares and is accepting.....
keep on keeping on. it's truly one day at a time dear.
blessings.
I hope someday I can. but not today.