The extremes may wear me out. So far today I have been ecstatic with the changes, feeling "powerful", not just authoritative, but powerful, not in the relationship but in me. Now I feel exhausted, tired of trying. Someone tell me that this is supposed to be exhausting but that it is worth it. Every night its a struggle, a fight and a disappointment. I have such great days, feeling strong, but now I know its only cause we are apart. Nights are the same ole crap. Tonight I asked him to take care of the kids, give them a bath so i could work on a photo book that HE wanted me to work on for HIS family. As i get started, baby is crying and he is fixing 2 year old ice cream. She makes a mess and the baby is STILL crying. I DO NOT RESCUE. He says to me, "SHE IS GONNA MAKE ME MAD!!" like a threat to me, like i better come save him. I DO NOT RESCUE. He gives up, sits on the sofa and watches television. I give a bath to both kids and do the album. He looks at it and DOES LIKE what i did. I DO NOT RESCUE OR TRY AND FIX. I told him, oh well. I did the album the way I wanted. Since you obviously feel strongly about it, maybe you should do the album the way you want. We are currently in a state of wild west draw. Neither saying or doing anything. He is waiting for me to fix it, to do something. Here we sit.
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