Codependency Support Group
Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...
I am new here and am here because I am angry with my fiance for not going to class today. He is a recovering meth addict whom is doing so VERY well! We had a baby a year and a half ago, and have a great relationship.
I used to have a problem with codependency, and have gotten better, however, realized tonight that my being so angry may be a bit back to some old habits. I was asking myself what my role should be in his not going to class because he has a cold. He missed 2 tests and I am afraid he is going to fail because of absences. I want him to succeed. I don't want to be his "mother" by lecturing him, or telling him how he needs to deal with his schedule--he's a grown man.
However, what is the right way to address this if at all??? Should I just be happy he is clean and trying at school even with hearing voices which distracts him? Should I not say anything and allow him to have the consequence of a bad grade, or encourage him to take classes more seriously????
PLEASE HELP
I used to have a problem with codependency, and have gotten better, however, realized tonight that my being so angry may be a bit back to some old habits. I was asking myself what my role should be in his not going to class because he has a cold. He missed 2 tests and I am afraid he is going to fail because of absences. I want him to succeed. I don't want to be his "mother" by lecturing him, or telling him how he needs to deal with his schedule--he's a grown man.
However, what is the right way to address this if at all??? Should I just be happy he is clean and trying at school even with hearing voices which distracts him? Should I not say anything and allow him to have the consequence of a bad grade, or encourage him to take classes more seriously????
PLEASE HELP
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I have been here before, a long long time ago and now I am back.Forgive me for not just saying what I want to say,even under a triple dose of antidepressants it is still raw and seeping and I am hesitant at revealing it as at least under the bandages around my heart I don,t have to look at how raw and wounded.My child was cleaved from my heart by his own actions. my child of ten,turning eleven...
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theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??
I think encouraging is fine, but nagging is not. Say what you'd like to say, ONCE. If he's willing, discuss, brainstorm, proactive ways that he can do better. It's not enabling to help him to help himself. And geez, give him Kudos from me for his recovery from meth! Hugs to you for being a positive supporter.
a bad grade is an excellent motivator!
it's tough having our lot tied to another person.
affirmation: i am comfortable with the way life unfolds. i detach in a loving way from the things i cannot change.
You are trying to be two people. one who is A supporter,encourager and understanding; the other is trying to control the situation and make it what they want it to be. You conflict is coming from you inability to stand your ground as one or the other.
I would have to agree with Wendyhi, do not nag, let this "grown man" take the hits if he does not get a good grade, or misses class. Pretend he is someone you "don't" care about and ask yourself would you be upset if that person did not go to class" If the answer is NO then you should try as best you can to "walk silent and carry a big stick"