I have been crying for over a week. I have somehow managed to allow a death in my ex-husbands family leave me needing him, needing him to need me, leave me throwing all I know out the window and focusing on how I want things to be, which is not at all how they are. His acceptance of me is once again what I dwell on. Why is this cycle haunting me again? I went from moving on, or so I thought, to a complete 180! Calling him, texting him, going so far as to tell him I can be what he wants! I have lost my mind. Do I really love and need him? What is happening to me? Do I need a straight jacket? I am bound to run out of tears soon, aren't I?
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