Hi all, I haven't been to this group for awhile, it was my first group though! I've realized I was just living in deep denial and putting problems out of mind by denying it and losing myself in other groups and life in general. I have got tobe the worst codependant/enabler known to man! I have no identity and no value (of myself), and I have realized what I've done now for years, I know I enable and control,and all the classic co-dependant traits, I know this and even know what to do about it, and am soooo ready to do it! I'm seriously ready to let go and let others(my daughter and son-in-law) live or destruct on their own choices and decisions, whatever, I've just gone to the very end with them ,lost everything of myself, but a small shred of hope, and that is what is pushing me away and making me strong , I mean my goodness, they are 37 and 39 years old! and I've spent 6 total years here in their home doing everything but breathe for them! and my reward ------O! or less than really, because we're all alot sicker than wouldhave been if I hadn't enabled/codepend them .Then I spent several years doing the same before I moved in with them to "fix things" ! I see alot now I didn't and I don't have aproblem with letting them go now and letting life fall asit should, without my help! What I do have a large problem with is, what to do about my grandaughters that I've more or less raised and care for in every way possible, I never see an answer for that one on anywhere,I can't find a solution, anyway I look at it, and when I let the adults go I let them go too, they are not helpless, in danger, or abused, just neglected alot and confused and dont get the care they need, emotional or physical, and it's not just because nobody can care for them like me !!!!it's really not getiing basic clean house, clean clothes, food when they want it , help with homework ect, the locks checked on doors at night, an "I love you and am proud of you" once in awhile, and they do so much to be proud of, the 10 year old is in gifted art, and makes straight A's, the 14 year old is in Beta club, honors courses,Straight A's , honor roll, band, volunteers for Hospice and is a wonderful child, I have helped them with these things, their parents are not even aware they are in or have most of these accomplishments, that is their lives, what makes them proud of themselves, things they have accomplished on their own, not even much help from me! my daughter has a mental illness, probably bi-polar, and substance abuse, but REFUSES help of any kind, not bad enough to be committed or to not get by but bad enough to not function or get out of bed most of the time, their father, jsubstance abuse, ignorance, andwon't work half the time.It's not a turn them in kind of thing, I've already been all around that block and back. I know I have to get OUT and stop all enabling and being codependant with my daughter and son-in-law but what do I do about the girls, they are my only concern now, their whole lives will suffer greatly if I leave, so I've gone against what I know to be the answer for my daughter to care for the kids,I know I'm hurting my daughter by codepending her and here husband but I chose to care for the kids at the expense of hurting the adults. please if anyone has some advice I need it, I dont want pity ,nor am I asking to get bashed! I just need to hear someone's opinion on what about the kids! thanks for listening and sorry it's so long. blues.....
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