My husband is a recovering alcoholic who is what is known in AA as a "dry drunk". No meetings, no job, no psychiatrist as referred by our doctor. He just takes his anti-depressants - except when he decides he's not taking these ****ing pills anymore. Every month or so there is a major problem - he has been going out in the middle of the night and withdrawing money from my bank account. I make enough money to support our family - but only if I watch every penny. So I end up at my best friends place crying and frusterated and "I have HAD IT!" But every time we have a fight, the divorce word gets tossed around, he tells me fine he will move out and (here's the kicker) be HOMELESS. He tells me he wishes he were dead, that he never should have quit drinking because he was never such a loser. It works every time. I get guilty, I get lonely before he's even left the apartment, I want him to stay, I want him to hold me, I want everything to be alright. My friends keep telling me how wonderful I am, how someone else would love me and not do these things. Of course it's getting on their nerves I keep showing up needing support but never take their advice. What is stopping me - O.K. I know I am stopping me. Why does the idea of leaving him make me feel like I will be sick, I will regret it, I love him so much. I left him before he went to rehab and I used to walk into my apartment and sigh with contentment because it was so peaceful and lovely to be home. Now I wonder if he will be awake, bored and annoying, depressed, angry. Now I have changed my PIN # so my own husband can not take money out of my account. Thoughts?
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