Oh god where do i start, well i was in a relationship with another woman she was older than me she also lived in a different country, when we met we hit it off straight away but deep down i new this relationship was not for me i wanted to confront some fears of mine around intimacy, and at first i felt bad about this as i new that was all i wanted, after a while i started to feel love for this woman although all alarm bells were going off for me as she was not the type of woman who any one messes with and i had already told her intimate details about myself that i have never told anyone before, i went abroad to visit her, the first week went well but the second week i felt bad a i realised that i was paying for all meals she said she had no money and also started all this manipulative talk i could not stand it and told her to just stop when we got back she started again and it seemed as if i ended the relationship but i did not any way we went our seperate ways for a while but i ended up getting upset as i was fare from home and felt very unsettled by all what had happend and gave all my emotional power away as i tried to stop one of my patterns in relationships and in doing so this set the trigger for her to take controle, my pattern is i get unsettled in a relationship due to my insucurities i push partners away and then loose power as i get emotional and want them back,so thats what happend, after that i became emeshed in this relationship and when i came home i went through terrible withdrawals i had to stay off work i did not mention this to my partner for a while, i got so tired of the pain that i gave her the choice to leave the realtionship and find some one closer to her or we both put 100% in to arranging flights etc she chose the 100% and my pain settled, i paid for a flight of over 500, i then told her that i went through a hard time with my emotions, she tried to be understanding as much as anyone could be who has not had any therapy or counselling or been in any 12 step program, i became under pressure as all the work seemed to be done by me with flights and making plans etc she had no money and had already had money out of me over 250 + i paid for nearly everything when i visited her, all she put in was the words (i love you)(i dont usually leave people)&(i dont stop caring when you go through a bad time) and also put pressure on me to up and leave england to move to another country when i have not got enough money and i have a good job and a house to keep, i was awear that i had lost emotional power and it came in to my head that i need to get it back, i went about this the wrong way and created a row i would not back down and all that went through my mind was i have got to get out of this its doing my head in i cant cope, i pushed and pushed until she ended the relationship and believe me it did not take much for this to happen her reason was she does not want a long distance relationship and that my emotional stuff she cant cope with it right now, i felt sadness and after two weeks i felt i could cope, all of a sudden out of the blue she contacted me and i felt as though she played my emotions she wanted something that i had that she could sell that was hers i backed off but she came forward chasing to get what she wanted, which i gave in to her and sent the items on, the return was cold and calculated, i felt devastated and went in to massive withdrawals thats have put fear in me like i never felt before the pain was unbearable and i have been off work for a month and praying is all i have had to get me through, i felt confused rejected and nearly off my head, has anyone got any comments please. I am now very fragile and need all the help i can get.
Posts You May Be Interested In
A friend sent this to me..As far as I can see, grief will never truly end.It may become softer overtime, more gentleand some days will feel sharp.But grief will last as long as Love does - ForeverIt's simply the way the absence of your loved onemanifests in your heart. A deep longing accompaniedby the deepest Love some days. The heavy fog mayreturn and the next day, it may recede.Once again, it's...
Today is my 25th birthday, to my somewhat lack of surprise I can see already no one really seems to care. I've always been the kinda person to make sure that everyone I Care about feels appreciated and knew somebody had their back. I can count 4 times this year when I Went out of my way to make sure a "friend" felt good on their birthday, especially if they got left hanging. Its early in the...