in my opinion there can be healthy jealousy and of course unhealthy jealousy.
and what type of jealously do you speak of, the jealously that can exist between partners or jealously between siblings, or co-workers, women in general, competion between men, etc?
no matter i guess. it is about the extremes. healthy jealousy may be a good motivator to do better, be better, complete tougher - or unhealthy jealously can create bad behaviors like control and manipulation of another - even name calling. no matter the jealously I assume it all comes from some feeling of inadequancy...maybe?

okay, i looked up insecurity and jealousy on wikipedia and this is what i've found. i did this quite awhile ago. i feel that too many say insecurity is the same thing as jealousy, but imo they are different....

Jealousy typically refers to the thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that occur when a person believes a valued relationship is being threatened by a rival. This rival may or may not know that he or she is perceived as a threat.

Insecurity is a feeling of general unease or nervousness that may be triggered by perceiving oneself to be unloved, inadequate or worthless.

A person who is insecure lacks confidence in their own value and capability, trust in themselves or others, or has fears that a present positive state is temporary and will let them down and cause them loss or distress by "going wrong" in future.

This is not to be confused with humility, which involves recognising one's failings but still maintaining a healthy dose of self-confidence. Insecurity is not an objective evaluation of one's ability but an emotional interpretation, as two people with the same capabilities may have entirely different levels of insecurity.

Insecurity may cause shyness, paranoia and social withdrawal, or alternatively it may encourage compensatory behaviours such as arrogance, aggression, or bullying, a principle enshrined in the phrase "all bullies are cowards." Many people suffer a period of insecurity during puberty, which gives rise to a lot of the stereotypical behaviours of adolescents.

Insecurity has many effects in a person's life. There are several levels of it. It nearly always causes some degree of isolation as a typically insecure person withdraws themselves to some extent. The greater the insecurity, the higher the degree of isolation. Insecurity is often rooted in a person during their childhood years. Like offense and bitterness, it grows in layer fashion, often becoming an immobilising force that sets a limiting factor in the person's life. Insecurity robs by degrees - the degree it is entrenched is the degree of power it has in the person's life.

As insecurity can be distressing and feel threatening to the psyche, insecurity can often be accompanied by a controlling personality type or avoidance, as psychological defence mechanisms.

Insecurity can be overcome. It takes time and patience and a willingness to believe each person (and specifically oneself) is in fact of innate value. The first of Erikson's stages of psychosocial development details the challenge of finding security and learning to trust one's self and environment.

yes, that is all literal information on definitions of jealousy and insecurity but isn't it too true that to feel threatened there must be a perceived threat in order to become jealous...

I've expereinced negative jealously to be just that, a perceived threat and not a real threat, therefore one would assume that the persons jealously is motivated by feelings of insecurity or inadequacy...
If a girl is out with the girls and some stranger approaches her but she turns him away and the boyfriend rages jealously at her about someone elses actions wouldn't that be jealously sprung from feelings of insecurity?

In my experience, jealousy arises from insecurity. Even if there is a real threat to a valued relationship, jealousy is not the only possible reaction to that. A secure person might have others.

one of my meditation tapes offers this tidbit:
"the only thing i can safely trust is my ability to handle what you say and do to me. the future is uncertain."

i think if we can embrace that and live it, jealousy is out of the equation.

i have had a couple of instances with the bf where there seemed to be a bit of dalliance with a couple of females.

my response was "if you want to see other people, you are free to do so. truly. i want this relationship to be freely entered into, with the knowledge we both have of what marriage and partnership takes. if there is someone you are interested in, please see her. pursue it. but if you fuck her, we are over."

so. that worked pretty well!
; )

Thanks for answering. It really helped me with this topic. Afloat, thanks for the great laugh at the end of your post! (-;